Filling a void

My mom’s cousin Pam use to tell me over and over again…..”Love will find you when you least expect it.”  I thought she was insane and quite frankly, after the fourth or fifth time she told me I would get a little irritated and annoyed with her.  She always had ideas of guys to set me up with.  Doctors she worked with, farmers she knew, friends of her step-sons.  Nothing every panned out. 

Pam died a year ago and shortly after her death I stumbled upon my Redneck Romeo.  I look back on this last year and think dang…..she was right!  SHE WAS RIGHT!  I’m sure glad she was right.  I miss her terribly and wish I could introduce her to M, but I know she sees me and is probably smiling down saying, “I told you so!” 

We spent the last week on the beach and I thought about Pam and my mom a lot.  Both of their birthdays are in July.  Pam passed away a year ago.  So many things that make me sad, make me smile when I think of happier times, but most of all make me always shed a tear.  It’s been 10 years since I lost my mom but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think, man I wish she was hear so I could show her this.  Or, man I wish she was here so I could call her to tell her what a great guy M is.  Or, man I wish she was here so I could call her to bitch about the mice in our house because we share the same fear.  Or, man I just wish she was here so I could ask her if she is proud of me.  I think worst of all I just wish she was here because she is missing out on so much.  I’m a firm believer in God and I know she isn’t missing anything.  But, she is missing this life with us…..me, her grandkids, her kids….

I hope that there comes a point in my life where I can stop wishing and just be ok with knowing she sees it all and knows it all.  For now I will take in the beauty of a sunset and the glow of the sun on my skin and just remember that although I can’t see her….she’s definitely here. 

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