It’s almost time.

Today we are 37 weeks along.

It hurts to sneeze.

It often hurts to even move.

Dilated to 1.

Swollen feet. Cankles, what?!

I feel like I spend 90% of my day either in the bathroom or thinking “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Sleep is totally overrated.

I must be tossing and turning and up so much that my loving husband would rather sleep with the cuddly 2 year old than me.

I actually feel prepped for a newborn because I’m currently up every hour to pee.

One thing that would be so helpful is a device to roll me over. Anyone?

Putting socks and shoes on is so much easier with Mike around.

And so many other joys of feeling 20 months pregnant. Anyone who’s done this before me totally gets what I’m saying.

But.

Above all, my greatest concern isn’t for myself or the difficulties of pregnancy towards the end of the possible pain of labor.

My greatest concern is for my first baby.

How will he handle his new status as big brother?

It seems impossible that my heart will be able to handle the love for two boys. I know it is. Everyone tells me I’ll be just fine.

But I look at his long gorgeous eyelashes and his perfect little lips as he sleeps and I think….can this really be topped?

Maybe it’s not that it will ever be topped but just shared. I’d like to believe the outcome is that my heart will just double in size.

I hope that E loves his little brother like I love my brother and sister. He seems so genuinely concerned about his brother already. His most recent concern might be trivial – does brother have a penis? But he’s also been worried that brother is hurting me as he notices me wincing through some minor contractions.

I pray that he takes care of him just as my brother and sister have loved and taken care of me.

I know the greatest gift we can give him is a sibling. I just wish it wasn’t so hard on my hormonal heart.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s