Coon Catching

Remember how we had that mice problem back in the wintertime?

Well, it’s spring time which means it’s the coons turn tocome and stay at our house.  Morespecifically, under our house.

Over a week ago I was home alone (of course because thatseems to be the only time animals invade) when I heard what I thought was abird.  The “bird” noise became louder andlouder and finally I hit mute on the TV remote and knew instantly it was not abird, but a raccoon and the noise wasn’t outside but instead coming from thevent next to the couch.  I recall being akid and playing with a friend’s pet coon and babysitting it occasionally.  So I knew this wasn’t no freakin bird, it wasa damn coon. 

And of course my guy is gone.  Not going to be home soon.  I text the landlord/neighbor and tell her wehave coons under the house.  There wasn’tmuch we could do about it at 10 p.m.

It gets better.  Iswear there wasn’t just one coon.  Therewere at least two.  And I’m pretty surethey were getting it on, if you know what I mean.  I was not about to get any sleep with twocoons getting rowdy under the house.

Lucky for me, coons are quick and about an hour later theywere done and apparently on their merry little way.

Until yesterday morning when I heard more coon noises assoon as I woke up.  This time they weren’tunder the living room but under the bathroom. It seemed like they were right under the sink.  Just chatting away.  Telling me good morning.  My reply back was not so sweet to them.  I woke up my guy, who was beyond thrilled,just so he would know I wasn’t a complete nut job.  We really did have a coon issue. 

THEN this morning it all came to a close.  Hopefully. When I got to the bathroom this morning at 5:30 a.m. they were REALLYloud and moving around.  I couldn’t quitefigure out why but I already bet there were babies in there.  I’m sure the gestational period of a coon isn’ttwo weeks, but clearly we have mating going on with coons somewhere round thesenecks of the woods.  I don’t care whatcoon hunters say.  It’s mating seasonhere peeps. 

So I look out the window at the live trap (that’s what theboy calls it) and see there is a big fat momma coon in it.  I guess I didn’t “confirm” it was a momma Ijust assume.  She looks pissed.   I openthe window and scream GOTCHA!  I may havethrown another word in there but I’ll keep it PG.  I woke my guy up again because heloves being up before he has to and excitedly told him we caught a coon! Hemumbled…. “Really?  Great….”  Clearly he wasn’t as excited as I was aboutthis whole fiasco. 
Momma Coon
I felt kinda bad that this momma coon was going to die atsome point today.  I figured M would killthe thing.  Kinda sad.  Kinda felt bad. 

UNTIL…..I walked out my door to leave.  I stopped to admire the hard work my guy and Ihad put in to the flower beds last night. We planted annuals for at least 2 or 3 hours.  That freakin coon or one of his pals dug upat least a quarter of the flowers we planted. Every cuss word you can imagine came flying out of my mouth.  I stormed back in the house.  Screamed to M, “That blankety blank coon dugup ALL the flowers we planted last night.” (I tend to exaggerate sometimes. Okay, maybe more than sometimes. Especially when mad.)  Still he mumbled, “Really?  Ugh…”  Iasked, “Is it Friday the 13th or something?  Am I missing something here?”  To which he replied, “No babe.  Have a good day.  Love you.” 

I won’t tell you what happens to the coon because I have afriend who I saw at the gym today and was a tad upset that we caught acoon.  She loves all animals, even theones who destroy homes and flowers.  Idid promise her we wouldn’t eat it.  I’mnot saying someone else won’t.  But, Ipromised her that I wouldn’t!
For now, Shiloh continues to bark and guard the coon as ifit stands a chance of getting out.

Shiloh standing guard

Shiloh barking at the coon telling it to shut up and stop hissing.

My dad recommends Blue Fly Bait (???) and grape soda.  Can’t leave it out for Shiloh to get into buthanging it in a tree.  Anyone ever triedthat? 

All I know is these coons have got to go.  I have flowers that need to grow and I’dprefer not to hear them “having relations” under my house. 

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