My 1st Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day has always been tough but this year it’s bittersweet. 
I long to talk to my sweet mom and just to hear her voice. 
Yet I wake to a loving little babbling boy who constantly says “da da da da da” right now even to wake me up on Mother’s Day. Oh, the irony. 
I wish I could spend a Saturday shopping with my momma just like we use to. 
But now I’m blessed with a little man who chatters at every person we pass in Kroger. 
My biggest fan is gone. 
Now I get to be someone else’s biggest fan. And my goodness am I ever. 
I hear the words “Mother’s Day” and cringe a bit knowing everyone (ok, not everyone) gets to see their mom on this special Hallmark holiday and my heart aches when I see my grandma and aunts who love me so dearly. 
Today I heard the words “Happy Mother’s Day” from the most loving man I know, my husband, and I broke into tears. Sadness because I’m celebrating without her combined with total sleep deprivation because Easton had a really thought night. 
This Mother’s Day is unique. My first. One more first to conquer without her. When I feel pity for myself wondering when these firsts will ever end I look into his pretty blue eyes and I see her. I see a piece of me and a piece of her in everything he and I do together. I keep her memory alive in each and every moment. 
Being a motherless mother is far from easy or fun. It’s a challenge to go on but he makes every single day worth it. My two boys make waking up a joy. 
Even when it’s waking up at 1 am and then 2:30. And then even again at 4 am. 
Every moment is worth it. 
I’m blessed with a sweet boy who has a loving sitter to help make days special. Easton made this with Miss Jenny and I’m so grateful he has someone so special who loves him. We are truly lucky to have her in our lives. 
I even got flowers from him! 

I’m blessed to be a mommy. 
Something I’ve wanted my whole entire life. 
I’m blessed because I learned from the best. 
I’m blessed with a sister who loves and guides me into this journey of motherhood. I’m blessed because I have a grandmother who has given so much and aunts who care for us daily. I’m blessed with special women who try their hardest to fill that role. I’m blessed with best friends who answer the most ridiculous texts about the most obscene things. Thank goodness I have them for this crazy ridiculous ride of life. 
I’m blessed because I get to snuggle with this guy who will someday call me momma. 

I am who I am and owe it all to her. I live each day hoping Easton will know her too…..through me. 
Honest Abe said it so well…
Being a momma is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. Thank you to my loving husband for being next to me each step of the way. 
We created the most perfect little man I could have ever dreamed of. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s