Dear Second Born,
You’ll soon understand the reality that life is not fair.
Your hand me downs, your relaxed parenting, and fewer restrictions. I’m constantly thinking to myself as I raise you, “you poor thing.” Your brother assumes you’re his toy and I struggle daily to keep you alive and away from his reach. You barely get the luxury of something new because we already have it slightly used waiting for you.
Your big brother has the advantage of doing so many activities and being constantly active. Swim lessons, zoo trips, museum trips, library trips. By the time you’re his age will I be entirely too exhausted to watch your first trips too? I took my good camera to every event he every took part in and you simply get the iPhone pictures. Shame on me…
I read book after book about becoming a mother, raising strong sons, and breastfeeding. You name it, I read it. I read blog after blog about how to be the right mom. I read about how to be the perfect mom. Now, all I want to do is throat punch anyone who tells me that my tricks to get you to sleep are unsafe. You’re alive. I’m alive. We’re both just trying to stay alive, aren’t we? I read nothing about mothering before your arrival. I mean, I know it all from the first go round, right?
With all that said there are a few things that are working in your favor.
I’m more relaxed. Somehow with the added chaos in the house there still seems to be less stress.
It helps that you were and still are the most chill baby ever. It helps that you were a nursing champ from day one. Was it because this wasn’t my first rodeo? Was it because you were just a little less lazy than your brother? Or, was it because I knew whatever was going to happen….was going to happen. It didn’t matter how many books I read. It didn’t matter what anyone had told me. I knew I could do it and I wasn’t nearly as worried about it as I was with your brother.
You know what else is in your favor? I can’t remember shit. No really. I cannot remember anything about being a mother the first time around. When do babies sit up? When will you start crawling? When will you get teeth? And for the love of God, when will you sleep through the night? No clue! Sleep deprivation and a toddler who talks nonstop and insists on carrying tiny figurines with him everywhere he goes have caused me to straight up lose my damn mind. But, it’s fine. We’ll survive this too. As they say, “this too shall pass.”
It also helps that I sometimes wonder……Could you be our last baby? Possibly. I mean you never know what life will bring. Sometimes I struggle to put you down and not hold you and kiss your chubby slobbery cheeks for fear you’re my last. Every diaper change and sleepless night I can’t help but soak up all your sweetness because it could be the last time you keep me up all night. I’m exhausted right now because you want to eat every 2-3 hours and want to be right by my side all night. I find myself complaining less each day because deep down I know that each day is just another day closer to you not needing me anymore.
So, I’ll end with this.
My sweet little second born….You give me hope each morning. Hope that this world will be a better place because your daddy and I are doing our best to raise two fine young men. I look at you a million times a day and you never cease to amaze me with all the happiness in the world. To be wanted and needed as a mother is the greatest and most challenging reward all wrapped up in one. I pray each and every day for so many things but most of all that you never feel “second” to me.
I am truly one fortunate momma.