Idiots

Two people come to mind this afternoon when I hear that word 

1. Governor Pence
It’s very disrespectful to say such a harsh word about an elected government official. I get it. I’m a little bit sorry, and a whole lot not sorry. 
The fact that he has made a declaration today to shorten our state testing sounds fabulous. He steps in as a hero and everyone thanks him for taking care of the problem. However, if he thinks I’m a fool to fall for this crap…..he’s crazy. 
I think he had this all planned out. He planned the “swoop in and save” move to get in better graces with the educators crew.  He’s probably even got a shorter test already made and copies ran to smooth the whole deal out. 
You’re not fooling me, sir. 
Idiot. 
2) Kanye West
So many reasons not enough energy to waste on you. 
Mostly it’s that you married that other idiot, Kim. 
Also because you want to believe your opinion in the music industry is the only one that should matter.  Get a clue Kanye, you’re not the Almighty. 
I must say I feel better. 
I apologize for venting. 
Happy Monday y’all. 

Post Christmas Blues

I always get the post Christmas blues. The evening of or day after glum that my favorite time of year is already over. The sadness that I have to wait a whole other year before I can experience the spirit of Christmas. 
This year I listened to my sweet husband sleeping and snoring by 7 pm on Chridtmas evening. I watched some extremely lame Christmas movie with Larry the Cable Guy and as lame as it was I just sat there and cried. 
I determined right then and there that we would create our own Christmas evening tradition beginning next year. A special dinner or meal with family at home, a unique restaurant dinner, or just pizza and games with friends. Something has to happen to avoid the gloom!
Christmas was over. I was depressed. 
Not depressed by the fact that I wasn’t getting anymore gifts or I wouldn’t hear my favorite songs,  but because the overload of family time was coming to a halt. 
I will miss how Christmas keeps us all together. 
I know my family is closer than most. For that I am grateful. 
But there is always a piece of me who hits those post Christmas blues. 
Anyone else?

Something about December

I love Christmas music. 

I wish I could listen to it all day long. 
Every time I turn on the iTunes Radio Holiday Hits station I hear a new favorite called “Something about December.”
I’ve never heard it until this year (maybe it’s new) but the lyrics speak right to my heart. Like, if I could have written it I totally would have. 
Never even heard of Christina Perri but her voice is amazing. It’s perfect for the song. 
Just read the lyrics. It’s wonderful. 
Lights around the tree
Mama’s whistling
takes me back again
There’s something bout’ December
We’re hanging mistletoe
And hoping that it snows
I close my eyes and then
I can still remember
How to get back, home
Let all your memories
Hold you close
No matter where you are
You’re not alone
Because the ones you love
Are never far
If Christmas is in your heart
Who really needs a gift
When love is meant to give
I can still recall
Carry wth me always 
Every christmas dream 
They live in you and me 

Let all your memories
Hold you close
No matter where you are
You’re not alone
Because the ones you love
Are never far
If Christmas is in your heart

Lights around the tree
Mama’s whistling
takes me back again
There’s something bout’ December

Let all your memories
Hold you close
No matter where you are
You’re not alone
Because the ones you love
Are never far
If Christmas is in your heart




Beautiful 


Xoxo, 

Fortunate Gal


Man down

Friday about 10:00 am I felt like a huge truck had run me over.  Of course I was in the middle of teaching (or monitoring testing) and there wasn’t much that could be done.  I figured I would get over it.  By 1:15 (one hour before dismissal) I wanted to crawl under my desk and die.  My kids told me they were totally okay with it…minus the dying part.  One kid said “that would be really freaky.”  They were obviously concerned.

So, I left work as soon as I could only to get in a car that wouldn’t start.

That’s right….my car wouldn’t start.  And, it was freezing cold and raining.  Perfect.

A sweet coworker (who helps me out ALL the time) happened to have jumper cables and made my life a million times better by getting my car running.  Then, I proceeded to my dad’s shop so he could check things out and make sure I wouldn’t get stranded at the medcheck.  I had already called my doctors office and they were booked and offered the medcheck as an alternative.  The car magically tested fine and he sent me on my way.

Medcheck was an hour to 2 hours of a wait.  And they proceeded to tell me that if I felt like it was the flu (and they said I looked like it) to put on a mask.

So I looked like this….

His response was something like, “Woah….Ebola?”
I sat there for about 10 minutes and then a genius coworker suggested via our mass group whining text message (initiatied by me of course) that I call the minute clinic down the road and see how long their wait is.  Great idea!  No wait at all!
But…..of course by the time I got there someone had reached the no waiting zone before me.  So….I waited.  

I was freezing, and they required me to put on another mask of course.  I actually asked if they would let me lay down in the spare clinic room (which no one was in) while I waited because sitting up was even painful.  Nope, they don’t allow that.  Just for your future reference.  
Diagnosis – the flu.  At that point I had a 101.6 fever. 
After waiting and slightly losing my mind on the pharmacist I headed home to my loving husband.  
He proceeded to wait on me hand and foot for the rest of the evening (and still is) and got a little freaked when my fever climbed to almost 103 and I felt like I was on fever.  I slept most of the night between taking my fluids and meds and checking my temp.  By midnight we got it below 100 and my aches were starting to go away. 
I have not had the flu in 6 years and I swear I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.  It was awful.  6 years ago it lasted about 4-5 days.  This time, much less, thank goodness.  
Today I’m sitting up, showered, and way less achey.  Heads still pounding and this dry cough really stinks…but much better than yesterday. 
My husband was thrilled when he found out I even shaved my legs.  
It sucks though. I’ve missed my oldest nephews first basketball game of the season and I’ve missed seeing my littlest nephew in his actual birthday. At this rate I’m hoping to escape the house for an hour tomorrow to sneak into his birthday party real quick. 
But as for the hubby….I don’t know what I did to deserve such an incredible guy.  He has taken such good care of me.  He even ran to get my nephew’s birthday present and now is at the grocery store with a huge list I sent him with.  The nice part of me organized the list for him by parts of the grocery store so he wouldn’t get overwhelmed.  
I love him. 
I’m so lucky.  

Hot Mess Express

I tell my husband all the time I feel like a hot mess. 

I was lying before when I said it and now I’m for real. 
I am an emotional wreck lately. I heard a Christmas song on Thanksgiving day as I was prepping in the kitchen and I broke down sobbing. I saw a mother/daughter shopping in DressBarn today and I ran out the door sobbing like an idiot….luckily without anything in hand.  I write a card to a friend and can’t get through it without tears. I read something on Facebook and I’m instantly a mess. I see a photo of my mom and I just want to curl up in a ball and never get up. I see Ellen giving away thousands of dollars to some homeless woman and I sob on the couch and can’t get up for an hour. 
Like, seriously, what is this? 
I don’t know if it’s the “time of year” and that I’m missing my mom. It could be the holidays and how rough and sad they are. It could be that I’m a woman and it’s just part of who I am. It could be that I’ve adjusted or stopped taking some medicine and I’m starting to feel again. It could be that a dear friend is going through the same hell I went through 13 years ago and my heart is literally breaking for her and her kids. 
Or, maybe, it’s al those things piled together. 

And maybe, it’s okay to be emotional and shed some tears. 
I use to always take pride in showing no emotion. 
Now I’m ready to just face this head on. For now.
In saying that for now I’m totally cool with all of you knowing that I may break down in fetal position and sob like a child occasionally. Or, I may tear up at the silliest things. 
Just bear with me. Please please please don’t hug me. That will only make my sons turn into the hyperventilating hiccup sobs and snot will then likely be on your shoulder. 
Just call me Hot Mess Express. 
Love me or hate me, but if you do hate me please don’t tell me because then I’ll start crying again. 
Heck, who am I kidding….even nice things make me cry. 
Anyone else had days/weeks/months like this? 

Love to all, 
Ash 
Miss you Momma
12-1-2001

Different.

Over 90 days ago we became two different people. 

A good different. A better different.  
Just a month before this major decision I walked down the aisle to say “I Do” and told him I wasn’t ever going to give up. Til death do us part. 

This major decision has changed us in many ways but deep down we are the same. In fact, I believe the two of us are better because of it and quite possibly more true of ourselves than we were before. 
My husband took it upon himself to seek some help. He left his pride behind and announced to the world that he wasn’t bigger than the alcohol. He was powerless to it. His family and himself were way more important and he needed some guidance to get back on track and become the man he wanted to be. For himself. For me. For us. For our future family. 
Our close family and friends have supported us in this journey completely. We wouldn’t have made it through without them. 
I was hurt, scared, and totally shocked when it all came about. I had no idea how out of control things really were. I freaked a bit. 
My purpose in this post isn’t to dwell on the past. It’s the past. 
My purpose is to tell you how incredibly proud I am of the man I am lucky to call my husband. 
He set everything aside for 5 days to really focus on himself and start fresh. Start new. 

Then he devoted 3 nights a week to a group of wonderful men who needed the same support. There were nights he came overloaded with strength and pride and there were nights that were a bit more rough. There were ups. There were downs. 
We said this together. A lot. 

I read books. I went to support groups. I heard some crazy flipping stories. Here is what I’ve learned: 
1. It’s a disease….and if he had been diagnosed with cancer I would have never walked away….so I’m not walking away from this. 
2. Just when you feel like life is the worst it can possibly be God tends to slap you in the face and say, “Girl, you have no idea…..how lucky you are.”
3. When we got married we weren’t promising to each other that we would never disappoint one another, because at some point both of us will do that very thing.  What is important is that we never leave.  We don’t escape.  We don’t leave one another….just because we are disappointed.  That is the meaning of fidelity.  
I’ve learned it is far from over.   I’m willing to face each and every day with my husband. I know there are days he will feel the urge to drink. There will be days he may think he just can’t take it anymore.  
I can only hope that every day he remembers how totally loved he is….how incredible of a man he is….how much he means to me and so many others.

I do ask this of all of you – for goodness sake don’t not invite us to a party or a gathering.  We are fully capable of having a good time without the buzz.  Promise you that. 

Yours truly,

1st comes loves, then comes marriage….

Then comes baby in a any carriage! 

But not yet. 
Everyone expects you to get hitched and start a family. Trust me, I would love to tell you all we are expecting….but I just can’t. Would have been awesome to make a honeymoon baby, but it wasn’t meant for us. 
So for now I guess I’ll  consume myself  with informational readings about conception and what to do and what not to do. And keep the hubby happy with all the practice. He’s convinced himself to invent a false positive ovulation test because he’s rotten. And he’s a guy. 

A good day to be me

My job is seriously rewarding. Then, there are days that totally suck…and that’s saying nicely. However, for the sake of staying positive and keeping my job I choose to only share the glory moments with all of you. Let’s face it….this isn’t anonymous and that’s risky business. 

Today was an awesome day. A totally exhausting day, by really awesome. 
We had the sweetest black labs visit our school and teach us about fire safety. 
Then we took an after school field trip to the Colts Complex for a Play 60 Launch Party. 
Got to meet a few players. 
And see Blue shake it. 
Today was a good day to be a 5th grade teacher!
And I got to see my best friend and her sweet baby boy! BAM! Such a good day! 

I’ve got to get over….

My sincere disgust and hatred for baby food, baby snot, and runny baby poo. 

I can handle a wet diaper. 
I can handle a solid poo. 
I can handle the bottle feeding. 
But for the most part I gag with the rest. 
Especially those gross baby foods. Carrots liquified? Nah. Chicken and noodles liquified?  Terrible. 
According to this cutie they all taste amazing. 
And he has NOT missed a meal. 
Talk about the best baby on this planet. That kid totally is. 
Happy. 
Smiling.  
Giggly. 
A good eater. 
All that and more. 
I’ve had the sincere pleasure of watching him twice over Fall Break. Both times I’ve found myself gagging during our feeding sessions. It doesn’t bother me too much to feed him, but it’s the clean up process. I swear I went through an entire package of baby wipes. (sorry Meg) I kept wiping after every bite to avoid a bigger mess to see if that would help. Every time the food got on my finger I gagged some more. 
Even bigger problem….my husband is worse. He gags just at a dirty face. We are so screwed. 
This little guy was just as emotionally exhausted as me after the whole gagging ordeal. 
I think he was saying something like….”Get over it lady.”
I really do need to get over it. Babies are precious and we can’t wait to have one. I just may need to strengthen my gag reflex before then. 
How could you not love this chunky monkey? 

Husband.

That word is still a little weird. 

But I’m also a little obsessed with saying it.
 It’s kinda fun!
So obsessed that for his recent birthday (almost a month ago…oops….late post) I couldn’t decide on a “husband” birthday card so I bought 3 and spread them out throughout the house and his truck. 
It’s hard to believe that in a little over a week we will already have been married for 3 months. 3 months?!?! 
Craziness. 
I have a husband. 
A husband I’m super proud of and wouldn’t trade for the hottest Ryan Gosling in the world. 
I love you sweets. 
Xoxo, 
Fortunate Gal