12 years has passed. We’ve made it 12 years without her somehow. I still can’t figure out how some days but we’ve managed.
I’ve always been told I look so much like her. I don’t always see it. Then, today a friend sent me this and I saw it….instantly.
Our cheekbones, our eyes, our smile, our chimes, even down to the collar bone. I have to wonder if i will creep myself out as I get older, maybe cut my hair off, stop getting blonde highlights, and maybe a perm.
Nah, no perm.
Another friend sent me this sweet message….
Your moth is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well, she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with everything step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not even death.
The last two lines constantly linger in my mind. Nothing will separate us.
The things that keep me close to her….
Her son and daughter
Her best friend and her children
Her nieces and nephews
Her grandchildren who never knew her
The smell of cinnamon rolls
Any type of shopping
Hearing the piano or organ being played
Her cooking and recipes
You see….there is something every single day that keeps us from separating. For that I am very grateful. Reminded again that even though I only had her for 17 years that I was very lucky. That I still am very lucky because I have a piece of her in my brother and sister, in her sisters, her mom, her best friend, her nieces and nephews, and all of those who played a part in her life.
3 years ago when I met Mike he could barely understand what this day meant and what kind of loss I had suffered. Through time I think he’s come to know more about our loss and who she was. 3 years ago we made it a new tradition to make this day special. Make it something she would love to be a part of….to celebration of Christmas.
11 years ago we began an annual lunch at moms favorite restaurant with all of her favorite people. A lunch at Olive Garden. I time to be together, reminisce, and just feel the love and loss of an amazing mom, sister, aunt, and friends.
So today I did all that. I shopped (which she was so very good at), I ate lunch with my sister, aunts, cousins, and friends. Then, Mike and I went to get our Christmas tree at Piney Acres. We actually went for cutting down our own tree.