REPOST from November….
Over 90 days ago we became two different people.
A good different. A better different.
Just a month before this major decision I walked down the aisle to say “I Do” and told him I wasn’t ever going to give up. Til death do us part.
This major decision has changed us in many ways but deep down we are the same. In fact, I believe the two of us are better because of it and quite possibly more true of ourselves than we were before.
My husband took it upon himself to seek some help. He left his pride behind and announced to the world that he wasn’t bigger than the alcohol. He was powerless to it. His family and himself were way more important and he needed some guidance to get back on track and become the man he wanted to be. For himself. For me. For us. For our future family.
Our close family and friends have supported us in this journey completely. We wouldn’t have made it through without them.
I was hurt, scared, and totally shocked when it all came about. I had no idea how out of control things really were. I freaked a bit.
My purpose in this post isn’t to dwell on the past. It’s the past.
My purpose is to tell you how incredibly proud I am of the man I am lucky to call my husband.
He set everything aside for 5 days to really focus on himself and start fresh. Start new.
Then he devoted 3 nights a week to a group of wonderful men who needed the same support. There were nights he came overloaded with strength and pride and there were nights that were a bit more rough. There were ups. There were downs.
We said this together. A lot.
I read books. I went to support groups. I heard some crazy flipping stories. Here is what I’ve learned:
1. It’s a disease….and if he had been diagnosed with cancer I would have never walked away….so I’m not walking away from this.
2. Just when you feel like life is the worst it can possibly be God tends to slap you in the face and say, “Girl, you have no idea…..how lucky you are.”
3. When we got married we weren’t promising to each other that we would never disappoint one another, because at some point both of us will do that very thing. What is important is that we never leave. We don’t escape. We don’t leave one another….just because we are disappointed. That is the meaning of fidelity.
I’ve learned it is far from over. I’m willing to face each and every day with my husband. I know there are days he will feel the urge to drink. There will be days he may think he just can’t take it anymore.
I can only hope that every day he remembers how totally loved he is….how incredible of a man he is….how much he means to me and so many others.
I do ask this of all of you – for goodness sake don’t not invite us to a party or a gathering. We are fully capable of having a good time without the buzz. Promise you that.