Last Sunday I was part of an “experience” as Theresa called it….and that it was. I have watched every episode of Long Island Medium there ever was.  I’ve emailed Theresa countless times for myself and my cousins.  I’ve offered up everything but my first born just for a chance to hear from my mom. 

I was nervous abut the show…worried that I would be disappointed in the end results and not have the chance with thousands of others around to hear from my mom.  I wore mom’s class ring from high school that she had given me years ago.  I wore a pin with her birthstone that my dad had given me for her funeral services. The whole show I was rubbing the ring like a genie in a bottle praying I would be the next person Theresa wanted to talk to

Truth is….I was dead center in the balcony. My mom was going to have to do a lot of screaming to get her to pay attention.  Anyone who knew my mom knows she wasn’t really the hollerin type….well unless you were out of meat at Taco Bell (long story, tell ya later). 

Most of the people Theresa spoke to were in the front rows or in the aisle seats. There was one or two on the main floor towards the back.  

Another truth.  After a day or two and some deep thinking …..I realized those that did hear from their loved ones needed to hear from them just as much, if not more, than I needed to hear from my mom.  

Theresa explained in the beginning that it would be an experience.  She didn’t stand on the stage and talk to people. She went throughout the audience and made each story personal.  Cameras followed her so we were able to watch up close as she spoke.  The stories were truly an experience. Each one I shed a tear. Some more than others. 

A mother and grandmother hearing from her son who passed way to young.  A father and mother hearing from their son who also passed too young.  Hearing that his niece that was just born and named after him had a birthmark for a reason….because he had carried her through the womb and was there when she was born. A mother and grandmother who had each lost a son. One boy was epileptic and the mother still ached from not being able to save him after a seizure because she was at work being a nurse instead of at home.  Theresa talked about the guilt she would have carried had she been home and not saved him. We always have regrets. This moment spoke to me.  Parent who had lost a son being told their son was so proud they had remained together throughout the tragedy. A young woman who had lost a very young child and seeing her face when Theresa told her she would be able to have children again. And a young couple who had clearly battled many fights being told they might just be carrying twins. 

There probably wasn’t a dry eye in the house at that point. 

Theresa also explained in the beginning that even if we didn’t personally hear from our loved ones there may be things said to others that is our loved ones speaking to us through someone else.  At first I thought that sounded crazy. However, after hearing her speak to several there were little things I picked up on that I knew were things from my mom. 

Really though, I know she’s always with me. I don’t need Theresa Caputo to tell me that. Although I would love for her to tell me some more.  

More than knowing that butterflies I see and cardinals flying in they sky are her.  More than the lights flickering when I walk into a room or a moving shadow in the corner of my eye when I’m all alone. More than the twinkle in the littles eyes and the things they say and do.  More than sitting at my piano and feeling her sit next to me.  

Just would like to hear a little more than that.  It’s like wanting to know the known. Which makes no sense.  What more would it really give me? I have no idea. 

And that’s what I want to know.  

I will be turning 30 in 130 days.

I’m not ok with this for a few simple reasons….
1. It is half way to 60 which does seem old.  (sorry dad….I know you’re 60)
2.  I am not quite where I thought I’d be at this point in my life (marriage, kids, etc.)
3.  My 20’s were awesome and I’m not ready to give them up.

So I found this article via Facebook friends titled “30 Signs You’re Almost 30” and I was shocked, amazed, and laughing so hard at its brutal truth…
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/30-signs-youre-almost-30

Here’s my commentary on the 30 signs….

1. You get carded, and your first instinct is “AWESOME!”
Happens all the time.  In fact, I get depressed when they don’t card me.  And their tip goes down….just a bit.  

2. Instead of drunken party photos your Facebook friends all have baby photos.
Just today, another precious cherub was born and announced on Facebook.  And there is no way that 4 years ago I would have ever imagined that my roommate would be engaged with two children…before me!

3. ….and marathon times.
Guilty.  

4. You get super excited when you go to a concert and there are seats.
I can’t even stand going to a bar now where there isn’t a seat available.  I figure it’s part of getting old!

5. You start a story with “When I was in college” and realize that was 10 years ago.
Oh my.  The worst is seeing children I babysat graduating from college themselves.  

6. When you watch teen movies/TV shows you find yourself siding more with the parents.
That and good LORD aren’t they cheesy?  They weren’t that cheesy when I was a kid.  In fact, Full House was amazing and now I can’t stand to watch it or anything like it.  

7. You’ve gone to a bar and left because it was too loud.
Too loud…no seats…

8. You have 10,000 business cards left from old jobs and no idea what to do with them.
This one does not apply to me.  Same job for 8 years now.  

9. You’ve become a sunscreen nazi.
This one also doesn’t apply to me…however I am certainly more cautious because the pain of being sunburnt is simply not worth it.  

10. You find cool celebs who are in their early thirties and think there’s still hope.
I rarely pay attention to celebs, unless of course Real Housewives are celebs?

11. You’re getting increasingly scared to check your credit score.
Working on it…

12. You’re seriously thinking about getting a dog…..no, a baby…..no, definitely a dog.
We have talked about getting another dog.  Then Shiloh totally screws that up by eating the recliner, or the trash, or the recliner and the trash.  As for a baby, I’m totally ready.  Just need something to get the ball rolling!

13. You’d rather pay a little more for a nice hotel room than cram into a hostel for you and a group of friends.
True.  And we’re all about saving money so we use points we’ve earned as much as possible.  

14. Everything cool is being marketed to people younger than you now.
I don’t even feel right wearing an UnderArmour sweatshirt for fear that I’m not cool enough for it.  

15. You’ve definitely lost the enzyme that lets you digest Taco Bell.
My metabolism and those enzymes are long gone.  

16. There’s an increasing number of musical artists you haven’t even heard of.
Every day I’m amazed with things on the radio.  Or things my students teach me about pop culture. 

17.  Every night you find yourself not wanting to do things.
 I get exhausted thinking about a week full of things to do each night.  It’s in my best interest to have at least one weeknight at home for many purposes.  

18. You’ve experienced the dreaded TWO day hangover.
And I still haven’t learned from it.  

19.  You realize your parents were your age when they had you and start cutting them some slack.
I am a little nicer to my dad.  

20. Running hurts your knees.  The elliptical hurts your knees.  Everything huts.
Running is the quickest way to lose weight for me.  However, it’s the most painful thing in the world.  Go figure.  

21. Teen slang makes you angry.
Extremely annoying.  People deleting on facebook.  

22. You start buying shoes based on comfort.
Heels…out of the question.  Those are only for weddings and funerals.  They are not for work.  

23. An 11 year old has to show you how to do something on your smart phone.
Happened at work.  Definitely.  

24. Weekend nights: instead of having two drinks at four different bars….you have two drinks at one bar and then head home.
Or no bar at all..

25. You voluntarily buy the fiber cereal.
Fiber is important.  Every day.  

26. You get really excited about lame stuff….like low interest rates.
It’s disgusting…and sad.  But it’s true.  We chose our carpet and our wood floors totally based on all the above.  

27. You wonder, seriously, how you ever pulled an all nighter.
And I can’t even remember when I did!

28. You’ve uttered the phrase, “I’m too old for music festivals.”
Not sure about musical festivals….but I’ve certainly uttered the phrase, “I’m too old” many times.  

29. You’ve graduated from IKEA to West Elm….or at least you want to.
Sadly, I’ve never even been to IKEA.  So West Elm….well that is out of the question.  

30. You have been to a party where at least two of your friends brought their babies.
All the time.  However, I love babies and enjoy squeezing on them as much as I can.  


We are definitely in the phase of weddings and baby showers of our life.  They are happening all the time.  New babies, new marriages, change, change, change.

And right now I struggle with being happy for everyone going through the change when it hasn’t happened to me.  I’ve always been one who needs to work on patience.

In time….it will come.

For now, I’ll focus on how awesome my 20’s were….and how much better my 30’s will be!

Fortunate and Feeling Old,

I’ve been a total slacker lately when it comes to blogging.  Maybe it’s the beginning of the school year. Maybe it’s because I’m lacking  ideas of what to write.  Maybe I’m just a slacker. 

Wow….it’s been a month today since I’ve had a chance to sit down and  collect my thoughts on here.  Each time I’ve attempted it’s caused some anxiety. Putting my thoughts into words with everything going on has proven to be apparently too difficult for me.  

A hummingbird visited me last night as I was grilling dinner and watering flowers. 

There’s a lot going on in our lives right now. School started. Work is busy for Mike considering the time  of year that it is. More importantly we are doing our best to be there for friends who need us. 

Shucking…

Cutting ears off when necessary and praying to God he doesn’t lose another finger!

Two very important men in my life.  Blessed beyond words with them.  

The blanching process.  

Ready to it away!

By the end of the day they had put away about 73 bags of sweet corn in the freezer. 

Can’t wait to try some with dinner this week!

Fortunate with a Dad who works hard, 

Ashley

Annoyed

84 years of putting up with all of us. We are so fortunate to have a woman who could handle them (us) all. 

Fortunate as always…

This is what perfection on a summer day looks like. 

Last weekend my love finally got the piano moved from my dad’s house.  It was one of the happiest/saddest moments I’ve had in a while.  Seeing it in our home.

This piano was a part of my every day as a child for as a long as I can remember.  Before I learned to play I watched my mom give piano lessons to many friends and family.  Then she tried to teach me.  It didn’t take us long to realize it was probably a better idea for me to receive lessons from someone else to avoid tears and possible arguments.

Then we had an organ and the piano.  Mom practiced every Sunday morning on the organ, sometimes with her headphones, while the cinnamon rolls baked.  It was that sight and smell I can still remember. Walking out from the hallway to the kitchen and seeing her practicing for Sunday church service.  Smelling the cinnamon rolls in the oven.  Those are just moments I will never forget.

I spent many hours on this piano practicing for weekly lessons with Mrs. M or the annual recital that always brought my nerves to a full tail spin.  Many times my mom would sit and listen to me play.  She always told me it sounded wonderful and that she was proud of me.

Even on the days I was extremely frustrated with the piano and harder pieces I was trying to learn I kept trying for one reason…..to make my mom proud.

So back to my point.  The piano was finally delivered to the house two weekends ago and this week and last I’ve had a few chances to sit down and play and become familiar with it again.  First song I chose….”How Great Thou Art.”  My favorite hymn ever.  As I played I didn’t make it through the first page before tears fell.  They were both tears of sadness and tears of joy.  Joyful that I had this piece (rather large piece) of my life back in my life.  Sadness that I will never hear her say those words again, or hear her play the organ, or smell her cinnamon rolls on Sunday morning.

I’ve been playing all week.  Just like writing in this blog…it is very therapeutic.  I’m looking forward to mastering some of the old pieces I use to play with ease.