It’s almost time.

Today we are 37 weeks along.

It hurts to sneeze.

It often hurts to even move.

Dilated to 1.

Swollen feet. Cankles, what?!

I feel like I spend 90% of my day either in the bathroom or thinking “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Sleep is totally overrated.

I must be tossing and turning and up so much that my loving husband would rather sleep with the cuddly 2 year old than me.

I actually feel prepped for a newborn because I’m currently up every hour to pee.

One thing that would be so helpful is a device to roll me over. Anyone?

Putting socks and shoes on is so much easier with Mike around.

And so many other joys of feeling 20 months pregnant. Anyone who’s done this before me totally gets what I’m saying.

But.

Above all, my greatest concern isn’t for myself or the difficulties of pregnancy towards the end of the possible pain of labor.

My greatest concern is for my first baby.

How will he handle his new status as big brother?

It seems impossible that my heart will be able to handle the love for two boys. I know it is. Everyone tells me I’ll be just fine.

But I look at his long gorgeous eyelashes and his perfect little lips as he sleeps and I think….can this really be topped?

Maybe it’s not that it will ever be topped but just shared. I’d like to believe the outcome is that my heart will just double in size.

I hope that E loves his little brother like I love my brother and sister. He seems so genuinely concerned about his brother already. His most recent concern might be trivial – does brother have a penis? But he’s also been worried that brother is hurting me as he notices me wincing through some minor contractions.

I pray that he takes care of him just as my brother and sister have loved and taken care of me.

I know the greatest gift we can give him is a sibling. I just wish it wasn’t so hard on my hormonal heart.

12 weeks…

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There’s no doubt he’s growing.  22 weeks on the left and 28 weeks  on the right.

It’s hard to believe we’re down to 12 weeks to meet this little guy.  Didn’t we just find out it was a boy?  Didn’t I just pee on that stick?

This pregnancy has been so very different with a tiny smidge of the same.  There’s no time for naps or rest with big brother E around.  Every kick, turn, and flip makes me slightly emotionally unstable because I’ve realized in 12 short weeks I’ll be figuring out a new life with two little ones in the house.   The maternity clothes aren’t cute like they were last time.

I cry almost every night I put Easton to bed as he flips and turns on my lap because it both hurts and I’m also sad that I may not get as much one on one time as I once had with him.  I stare at his crib with tears in my eyes wondering why we can’t just keep him caged up forever.  Do we really have to move him to a big boy bed?  Sure, the answer is no, but it just makes sense to do it now and give the baby the crib.

And this new baby boy – this poor thing gets nothing new.  Bless his little heart.  Hand me downs will be the name of the game.  Will he care?  Nah.  Do I care?  A little bit.  I’m also slightly excited to watch him grow in and out of the very same clothes my first babe wore.  Comparing pictures of the two of them that I suppose will look identical.  Or will they?

I have a million thoughts running through my head.  Like 20 browser tabs open at once.  All day.  Every day.  I’m fortunate that my loving husband “gets” that about me and lovingly obliges to my demanding requests.

The nursery is painted and ready to move furniture.  We’re moving it in just a couple of short weeks so we can use spring break to adjust to a big boy bed and finish up the nursery’s final touches.  Now that I’m a second time momma I realize how ridiculous that kind of is.  This baby isn’t even going to sleep in that room for at least 6 months.  I know this.  I also know I’ll feel a hell of a lot better if it’s all done and ready for his arrival.

We’re so close to being there.  Then we have to get out the totes of newborn and 0-3 month clothing that are packed away in the shed.  I’ll probably cry again as I wash and fold and put them away.

Will E be as excited to meet his little brother as I hope he will be?

Right now he’s named him Pizza.  Baby Pizza.  I sure hope he likes the name we decide on and stops calling him pizza at some point.

Will he love him?  Will he take care of him?  Or will he kick, punch, and beat the crap out of him?  Will they cry together all the time?  Will they give me a break and possibly nap at the same time?

So many questions…..so many unknowns.

This motherhood shit is a bit scary y’all.

It’s even more terrifying when you add one more to the mix. I do not feel emotionally prepared for this.

Tantrums

Recently I read a blog post that included over 30 hilarious toddler tantrum memes.  A few below…

I found myself nodding my head through the entire post as I read.

The 2’s are the real deal for tantrums.

If you want to tell me that 3 is worse – please stop yourself.  I’ve heard it before.

E has actual meltdowns where no one in the house has a clue why he’s crying.  Like Wednesday evening.  He was crying for pizza?  Who cries for pizza? Apparently he felt like daddy’s dinner looked like pizza and should have been pizza and why the hell haven’t I served him pizza yet?  Side note: it was actually just lasagna.

He ended up eating half a breadstick for dinner.  And of course waking up a dozen times in the night because he was HUNGRY!  Imagine that!

He cries because the dog won’t go in his room.

He cries because I won’t allow him on my phone.

He cries because I handed him the wrong yogurt.

He cries because I won’t rock and watch him sleep all night.

My patience is thin on a normal day, but I’ve found it to be incredibly thin now that I’m with child.  I’m giving in to more tantrums than I ever dreamed I would.  I’m giving in.  I’m giving up.  I’m probably slowly creating a monster.

A cute monster.

Soaking it Up

Lately there’s been a lot of this.

 

By “this” I mean our sweet little toddler has invaded our bed.

It’s not usually until the hours of 3-5 am but it’s happening.  A lot.

I can’t decide if he knows what’s about to happen or if he’s realized I’m so exhausted that I won’t fight it.  It’s easier to throw him in bed with us than fight him staying in his crib and getting him back to sleep.

Does he know that life’s about to really change?  Like….really change?

He’s going from only child status to big brother.  I won’t be able to give him my undivided attention 100% of the time.  I won’t be able to hold him on my lap 24 hours a day 7 days a week because I’ll be nursing a new little milk guzzler.  I won’t be able to do it all like I attempt to do right now.

Since his only child status changes sometime within the next 13 weeks I think I’ll cuddle him close.  I’ll enjoy the sleepless nights to the best of my ability.  I’ll embrace the kicks to the back and that constant chubby hand on my face.

I think I’ll just soak it all up.  I’ll soak up every single sleepless night in a comfy bed with my two favorite guys.

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Time for a change

It was time for a change.

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Time to change my blog from Blogger to WordPress.

Blogger was no longer user friendly and incredibly frustrating to use on my phone.  Let’s face it – half the time I do have a free moment I only have my phone available.  It seems the little one is like a crack addict with my iPad or computer and if it comes out he expects to use it.  I’ve tried telling him no.  It’s such a hassle to hear the whining….You feel me?

So, now I can blog from my phone easier!  Hopefully that means you’ll see more of me.  I’ve been AWOL since we found out we’re expecting again.

Truth be told – I’m exhausted and if I do have a spare moment then I’d rather sleep than write to you.

I’ve got some new designs in the works and hope to blog more.

For now….

With love,

I miss you Bahamas...

Our Home

Today is a pretty special day.

It’s been one year since we moved into our first home together. A home we’ve made ours and will continue to do so.

A home we will bring our second baby home to and continue to raise our first born.

A home we’ve already shared so many memories in.

I can’t wait to build more memories together in this beautiful home. I can’t wait to spend many holiday seasons making it beautiful.

My favorite guys in my favorite room of the house.

Sometimes

Sometimes you feed your kid fuffins (muffins) for dinner.

Sometimes you just give up on a well balanced meal because he just screamed for 25 minutes straight in the car because you refused to give up your phone to the demanding little guy.

These things happen.

Then, your curl up with a blanket on the giant pillow and play hide and seek and trucks and his devilish little grin reminds you he just can’t help his big emotions in his tiny body.

Being (almost) two can be rough….on everyone. 
Sometimes you give in to his favorite food while watching his favorite movie. Just to make the screaming and tears fade away. 
Because, sometimes, it’s worth it.