An Experience

Last Sunday I was part of an “experience” as Theresa called it….and that it was. I have watched every episode of Long Island Medium there ever was.  I’ve emailed Theresa countless times for myself and my cousins.  I’ve offered up everything but my first born just for a chance to hear from my mom. 

So, when tickets to see her at the Murat showed up this past summer of course we had to purchase and hopefully make an attempt to have that chance. My aunts, cousin, and sister are all huge fans as well so it was easy to decide who I would be going with. 

I was nervous abut the show…worried that I would be disappointed in the end results and not have the chance with thousands of others around to hear from my mom.  I wore mom’s class ring from high school that she had given me years ago.  I wore a pin with her birthstone that my dad had given me for her funeral services. The whole show I was rubbing the ring like a genie in a bottle praying I would be the next person Theresa wanted to talk to
Truth is….I was dead center in the balcony. My mom was going to have to do a lot of screaming to get her to pay attention.  Anyone who knew my mom knows she wasn’t really the hollerin type….well unless you were out of meat at Taco Bell (long story, tell ya later). 
Most of the people Theresa spoke to were in the front rows or in the aisle seats. There was one or two on the main floor towards the back.  
Another truth.  After a day or two and some deep thinking …..I realized those that did hear from their loved ones needed to hear from them just as much, if not more, than I needed to hear from my mom.  
Theresa explained in the beginning that it would be an experience.  She didn’t stand on the stage and talk to people. She went throughout the audience and made each story personal.  Cameras followed her so we were able to watch up close as she spoke.  The stories were truly an experience. Each one I shed a tear. Some more than others. 
A mother and grandmother hearing from her son who passed way to young.  A father and mother hearing from their son who also passed too young.  Hearing that his niece that was just born and named after him had a birthmark for a reason….because he had carried her through the womb and was there when she was born. A mother and grandmother who had each lost a son. One boy was epileptic and the mother still ached from not being able to save him after a seizure because she was at work being a nurse instead of at home.  Theresa talked about the guilt she would have carried had she been home and not saved him. We always have regrets. This moment spoke to me.  Parent who had lost a son being told their son was so proud they had remained together throughout the tragedy. A young woman who had lost a very young child and seeing her face when Theresa told her she would be able to have children again. And a young couple who had clearly battled many fights being told they might just be carrying twins. 
There probably wasn’t a dry eye in the house at that point. 
Theresa also explained in the beginning that even if we didn’t personally hear from our loved ones there may be things said to others that is our loved ones speaking to us through someone else.  At first I thought that sounded crazy. However, after hearing her speak to several there were little things I picked up on that I knew were things from my mom. 
Really though, I know she’s always with me. I don’t need Theresa Caputo to tell me that. Although I would love for her to tell me some more.  
More than knowing that butterflies I see and cardinals flying in they sky are her.  More than the lights flickering when I walk into a room or a moving shadow in the corner of my eye when I’m all alone. More than the twinkle in the littles eyes and the things they say and do.  More than sitting at my piano and feeling her sit next to me.  
Just would like to hear a little more than that.  It’s like wanting to know the known. Which makes no sense.  What more would it really give me? I have no idea. 
And that’s what I want to know.  

Breaks are rough

It’s Fall Break.  2 weeks off.  
I couldn’t have needed it any more than I already did.  
Back on July 31st I would have told you I hated our balanced calendar and going back to school when it was still so warm out.  Now, I would tell you how much I love it.  
We have no plans, unfortunately, because we had to cancel a trip out west due to a late harvest. 
However, the “no plans” has turned into a nice, relaxing do what I want when I want staycation. 
First, at 8:00 a.m. on Monday morning Shiloh’s trip to the vet.  She’s never been before.  Only the Humane Society to get her shots and be spayed.  I think she knew that as soon as we put her harness on her and then put her in the car she was going some place she probably didn’t want to. 

She seemed a bit nervous.

While waiting in the room she could barely sit still and watched the shadows under the door after sniffing the entire room.  


Then, we were told she was “a bit overweight” and she was disheartened.

So we decided to start taking walks when we got home.
 Due to the rain over the weekend I was fortunate to get some time in with my guy as well.  
As soon as the fields dry up I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of time alone again. 
After our walk she was quite pooped…and slept most of the day. 

The rest of day 1 consisted of breakfast somewhere new down the road (Sunrise Cafe….yummy), shopping for new clothes and craft items to conquer Pinterest, and a home cooked meal for dinner.  

Day 2 I spent the day with my best friend organizing and getting some things ready for baby #2. We got a lot accomplished while her MIL had baby #1.  Once baby #1 came home it was a little difficult to get much done because she’s so darn cute and hard to resist.  
She regressed a little bit as we were going through baby clothes.  

I learned that when you’re pregnant it’s difficult to bend down and pick things up.  Sometimes you have to get a grabber thingy to help you out.  I laughed a bit.  She said something like, “I can’t wait until you’re pregnant and understand.”

We talked about how as a mom she’s doing all those things she said she would never do.
But, how could you say no to this face? 

Her little one does truly love herself and seeing her gorgeous little face on the phone.  

After Day 2 we got another 2 miles in late at night.  I hate how dark it’s getting so quickly. 

All in all the first two week days of Fall Break have been quite successful. 
And for day 3 it’s 11 am, I’m still in my pajamas drinking coffee, and writing to all of you. 
Life is rough, 

130 to 30

I will be turning 30 in 130 days.

I’m not ok with this for a few simple reasons….
1. It is half way to 60 which does seem old.  (sorry dad….I know you’re 60)
2.  I am not quite where I thought I’d be at this point in my life (marriage, kids, etc.)
3.  My 20’s were awesome and I’m not ready to give them up.

So I found this article via Facebook friends titled “30 Signs You’re Almost 30” and I was shocked, amazed, and laughing so hard at its brutal truth…
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/30-signs-youre-almost-30

Here’s my commentary on the 30 signs….

1. You get carded, and your first instinct is “AWESOME!”
Happens all the time.  In fact, I get depressed when they don’t card me.  And their tip goes down….just a bit.  

2. Instead of drunken party photos your Facebook friends all have baby photos.
Just today, another precious cherub was born and announced on Facebook.  And there is no way that 4 years ago I would have ever imagined that my roommate would be engaged with two children…before me!

3. ….and marathon times.
Guilty.  

4. You get super excited when you go to a concert and there are seats.
I can’t even stand going to a bar now where there isn’t a seat available.  I figure it’s part of getting old!

5. You start a story with “When I was in college” and realize that was 10 years ago.
Oh my.  The worst is seeing children I babysat graduating from college themselves.  

6. When you watch teen movies/TV shows you find yourself siding more with the parents.
That and good LORD aren’t they cheesy?  They weren’t that cheesy when I was a kid.  In fact, Full House was amazing and now I can’t stand to watch it or anything like it.  

7. You’ve gone to a bar and left because it was too loud.
Too loud…no seats…

8. You have 10,000 business cards left from old jobs and no idea what to do with them.
This one does not apply to me.  Same job for 8 years now.  

9. You’ve become a sunscreen nazi.
This one also doesn’t apply to me…however I am certainly more cautious because the pain of being sunburnt is simply not worth it.  

10. You find cool celebs who are in their early thirties and think there’s still hope.
I rarely pay attention to celebs, unless of course Real Housewives are celebs?

11. You’re getting increasingly scared to check your credit score.
Working on it…

12. You’re seriously thinking about getting a dog…..no, a baby…..no, definitely a dog.
We have talked about getting another dog.  Then Shiloh totally screws that up by eating the recliner, or the trash, or the recliner and the trash.  As for a baby, I’m totally ready.  Just need something to get the ball rolling!

13. You’d rather pay a little more for a nice hotel room than cram into a hostel for you and a group of friends.
True.  And we’re all about saving money so we use points we’ve earned as much as possible.  

14. Everything cool is being marketed to people younger than you now.
I don’t even feel right wearing an UnderArmour sweatshirt for fear that I’m not cool enough for it.  

15. You’ve definitely lost the enzyme that lets you digest Taco Bell.
My metabolism and those enzymes are long gone.  

16. There’s an increasing number of musical artists you haven’t even heard of.
Every day I’m amazed with things on the radio.  Or things my students teach me about pop culture. 

17.  Every night you find yourself not wanting to do things.
 I get exhausted thinking about a week full of things to do each night.  It’s in my best interest to have at least one weeknight at home for many purposes.  

18. You’ve experienced the dreaded TWO day hangover.
And I still haven’t learned from it.  

19.  You realize your parents were your age when they had you and start cutting them some slack.
I am a little nicer to my dad.  

20. Running hurts your knees.  The elliptical hurts your knees.  Everything huts.
Running is the quickest way to lose weight for me.  However, it’s the most painful thing in the world.  Go figure.  

21. Teen slang makes you angry.
Extremely annoying.  People deleting on facebook.  

22. You start buying shoes based on comfort.
Heels…out of the question.  Those are only for weddings and funerals.  They are not for work.  

23. An 11 year old has to show you how to do something on your smart phone.
Happened at work.  Definitely.  

24. Weekend nights: instead of having two drinks at four different bars….you have two drinks at one bar and then head home.
Or no bar at all..

25. You voluntarily buy the fiber cereal.
Fiber is important.  Every day.  

26. You get really excited about lame stuff….like low interest rates.
It’s disgusting…and sad.  But it’s true.  We chose our carpet and our wood floors totally based on all the above.  

27. You wonder, seriously, how you ever pulled an all nighter.
And I can’t even remember when I did!

28. You’ve uttered the phrase, “I’m too old for music festivals.”
Not sure about musical festivals….but I’ve certainly uttered the phrase, “I’m too old” many times.  

29. You’ve graduated from IKEA to West Elm….or at least you want to.
Sadly, I’ve never even been to IKEA.  So West Elm….well that is out of the question.  

30. You have been to a party where at least two of your friends brought their babies.
All the time.  However, I love babies and enjoy squeezing on them as much as I can.  


We are definitely in the phase of weddings and baby showers of our life.  They are happening all the time.  New babies, new marriages, change, change, change.

And right now I struggle with being happy for everyone going through the change when it hasn’t happened to me.  I’ve always been one who needs to work on patience.

In time….it will come.

For now, I’ll focus on how awesome my 20’s were….and how much better my 30’s will be!

Fortunate and Feeling Old,

Slacker

I’ve been a total slacker lately when it comes to blogging.  Maybe it’s the beginning of the school year. Maybe it’s because I’m lacking  ideas of what to write.  Maybe I’m just a slacker. 

I truly cannot think of anything to write about. Is my life that boring?
If you can think if anything for me to write about….do share.
  I’m feeling like a slacker.  

Be there.

Wow….it’s been a month today since I’ve had a chance to sit down and  collect my thoughts on here.  Each time I’ve attempted it’s caused some anxiety. Putting my thoughts into words with everything going on has proven to be apparently too difficult for me.  

Basically it boils down to this.  My heart literally hurts for my friends who are like family.  There are so many positive changes in the last few days that I feel like peace has finally found them.  Part of me cannot imagine what they are going through….yet again I kind of can. Then it brings back so many awful and some happy times.  Besides the pain I feel for them and the feeling of not knowing what to do to help…..life is just life in the fall. 
My guy is hardly home due to work.  School is in full swing and papers to grade are constantly haunting me. Weekends are jam packed with family and friends.  Trying to squeeze in as many pool days as we can before the chilly air arrives. 
More than any of the above I want to be there for my best friends and their family. It’s been difficult finding the right thing to say.  What I’ve found is that sometimes the more important thing to do is say nothing….and just listen. Be the ear they need to talk to.  Be the shoulder to lean on.  Be the support system. Just be there. 

5 days sober

Shiloh has been trash sober for 5 whole days. 

The first 3 days were due to us putting the trash on the counter. 
I got sick of that pretty quick. Let’s face it.  A trash can on your countertop is pretty disgusting and not quite accessible ether. 
So Thursday I ventured out to find this Super Human trash can I was told about. Lo and behold they actually make a trash can that is dog proof. Problem is….it’s freaking expensive. 
Thanks to Bed, Bath, and Beyonds weekly 20% off coupons I saved a bit of money on the worlds most expensive receptacle that will contain everything nasty from our house. Ridiculous. 
Shiloh owes me big time 
And since Thursday we have found the trashcan upright and the floor trash free when we come home. Thank God. 
It was definitely worth it. 
Now, if we can just remember to always lock it. Mike’s still working on it. 
Maybe I should have bought the $140 trash can that locks with the touch of a finger. 
Wait….no way. 
If this thing doesn’t work we are getting a new dog with that $140. 
Fortunate to have a sober dog, 
Ashley

Always here

A hummingbird visited me last night as I was grilling dinner and watering flowers. 

It was the sweetest moment. Definitely needed.
You see, I feel that all precious little flying things are somehow my mom visiting. 
Hummingbirds
Beautiful cardinals that love in or pine tree. 
Butterflies in our flower beds. 
She is there in those previous creatures. Stopping to say hello. 
Just to let me know she’s always here. 
So fortunate, 
Ashley 

Tradition and hard work

There’s a lot going on in our lives right now. School started. Work is busy for Mike considering the time  of year that it is. More importantly we are doing our best to be there for friends who need us. 

I did take some time before school started to be a part of our annual tradition of putting corn up. We are blessed with a beautiful garden that my Dad invests a lot of time and energy in. We are all very thankful that he does.  We literally reap from his hard work and its so nice to enjoy his sweet corn even throughout the winter. 
Shucking…
Cutting ears off when necessary and praying to God he doesn’t lose another finger!
Two very important men in my life.  Blessed beyond words with them.  
The blanching process.  
Ready to it away!

By the end of the day they had put away about 73 bags of sweet corn in the freezer. 
Can’t wait to try some with dinner this week!
Fortunate with a Dad who works hard, 
Ashley

Trashy obsession

Shiloh’s latest obsession with trash continues. 

This time I wanted to shame her in hopes that maybe that’s what she needed to STOP the obsession. 
We shall see…
She’s really on a roll. To put it simply- she sucks. 
She now runs off to the neighbors and refuses to come home after being hollered at. 
She waits to fart until she is laying or sitting right next to you. 
She rolls in the horse crap…..and then maybe comes home. 
When she gets hosed off or bathed she finds the one spot of loose grass, rolls in it, then needs to be hosed off again. 
She follows all the little children around and snatches goldfish or cookies right out of their precious hands. 
She simply sucks. And can’t manage to do anything adorable or lovable…besides morning and evening cuddles 

Ok she doesn’t totally suck. She has just really irritated me lately. I need more of these lovey moments than picking up trash. 

I need more of these cuddles than washing off horse crap from her body. 
I need more cuddles than taking 20 minutes to find her late at night. 
Basically she needs to get it together. 
Because if she doesn’t I’m going to start looking at boarding schools for dogs. Or military schools.
Or maybe just ship her to her grandma…Mike’s mom where she never does anything wrong. 
Frustrated but still Fortunate, 
Ashley

Back at it

Annoyed

Stressed
Depressed
Excited
Those are the words that come to mind when I think about school starting in a week. 
Annoyed that there are always people who say things and do things you think should be kept to themselves.  I know who to trust NOW and have prepared myself for the upcoming year.  And I believe in karma.  Karma should take care of all of that. 
Stressed by the list of things I keep thinking of that I should do. The list is endless. I don’t like lists that weigh on my mind…hence why I love summer.  
Depressed that summer is over and I won’t be able to drink coffee until noon and read books on the deck until I feel like getting up.  Depressed that my days schedule will now revolve around my job and making money instead of whatever it is that I want to do.  Depressed I won’t get to see my niece and nephews whenever I want.  Depressed that laying by the pool will have to wait until 3 pm except for weekends.  
Excited to meet a whole new group of kids and form a new classroom family! Excited to share ideas with colleagues and start fresh.  Excited to be challenged. 
Too many feelings for one day.  Heck, for one month. 
I think I’ll go back to relaxing for now…