Have you thought of a name yet?

September 3, 2015 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Why yes. Yes we have.

Lots of thinking. Lots of discussions.

And we have a name for this little cherub I’m carrying along on life’s journey.

Easton Wayne

We went back and forth between Easton Wayne and Wyatt Lee and took suggestions from family and friends like Truett, Brooks, Levi, Austin, Carter, Cash, and Judson. I really love them all but long ago when we fell in love and talked about a family, marriage, and our future we talked about names…and this is a name we’ve always loved. It was fun to consider new names and suggestions from our loved ones but we just kept coming back to Easton. We started calling him Easton on our trip out west and today we tell the world.

I’m not thrilled that it’s a name consideration for stupid Kanye and Kim but I’m hoping they aren’t ridiculous enough to actually name their child Easton West. If they do….so be it. I’d rather not even know!

On Monday we got to see Easton again and today he has baked for 28 weeks! He’s the size of a tropical coconut.

Time is flying by and the thought of only 12 weeks to go makes me a little nauseous.

Check out his luscious lips!

And this one is a tad creepy, but also adorable. I believe he’s smiling at us saying HAHA I’m about to rock your world!

This doctors appointment was complicated. And long. We had an ultrasound and I was excited to check on Easton but unfortunately he hasn’t moved away from the opening of the cervix and I’m still on pelvic rest. Hopefully in 4 weeks when we check again he will have moved. That’s all we can hope and pray for! There are risks with placenta previa but these are things to discuss closer to time and although the C word for labor was mentioned I’m still praying he can arrive in this beautiful world through the exit I’d imagined he would. I’ve realized if he can’t, it’s more important that he come out safely.

Then I had to drink the ever dreaded glucola. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. It was orange and thick and I chugged it as quickly as I could. I thought it would make me throw up but more than anything I wanted to get the taste out of my mouth with a couple of swigs of water…and couldn’t. Nope, not allowed.

An hour later my blood was drawn and the negative Nelly I’ve been lately was convinced I would get the result and have to return for the 3 hour test. Great news! Found out yesterday I aced that test! No gestational diabetes!

Then back up to the doctors office for a Tdap vaccine and my RH- shot….which is a shot in the butt, by the way. A long, painful shot. Awful. No fun at all. Bonus: I get to do it again postpartum. Fun!

So I shed a few tears after the long appointment and asked my husband if we could start rolling the ball on new car shopping. New to me, car. We knew it would have to happen before Easton for more room. It was just a matter of time.

Took one home and two days later…..it’s mine! I love it. An Acadia and so many bells and whistles I’m totally not use to. Feels like luxury!

Now I can ride in style in my mommy ride!

This week my goodies I ordered from the BIG sale through Oshkosh arrived and I’m so in love. This might be hard to believe but these are the first new clothes I’ve purchased for Easton. To be very honest with you, he does NOT need clothes. Between this purchase, I’m sure the gifts he will get from his loved ones, and the loads of hand me downs from his best friend Walker and cousin Brody….he is totally set.

But check out these adorable outfits…

A shirt to be a mini daddy.

Then there’s this super cute coat from Papaw and Mamaw P. He’s totally ready to style it this winter and will look so handsome!

We had a wonderful time at my cousins wedding and on the same day Easton’s cousin, Jack, was born! Such an exciting day!

The hubs and I enjoyed date night and getting dressed up.

His room is coming right along thanks to daddy!

Beautiful gray walls.

Beautiful barn wood crib

Beautiful vintage dresser from Marshmallow Monkey for such a steal!

Then daddy surprised me with a new ceiling fan too!

And I found myself for the first time taking advantage of this dude.

I’ve tried to avoid taking up this space in the event there’s something way more pregnant than me needing it. But then I felt I needed it. It was hot. I was over the day already at 10 am and I needed a dress for the wedding. So, I used it.

I hope everyone has had a fabulous week.

I bet you are all looking forward to this 3 day weekend as much as I am!

I plan to do a little nursery organization, spend time with my husband if he isn’t working, spend time with family, and relax in the pool.

Truly fortunate,

Ashley

Right to my heart

August 26, 2015 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

This spoke right to my heart.

It’s everything I’ve ever felt or thought.

Thank you

http://theodysseyonline.com/wayne-state-uni/letter-to-tackle-different-aspects-of-losing-parent/147463

5 years

August 20, 2015 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

5 years ago…..

I fell in love at a tractor pull with a charming and hilarious farmer. We look so young. I hoped it would turn in to forever….or at least a real first date.

5 years and 26 weeks along today!

I scores that first date. And another. And another.

And now we’re just a few months away from our first baby being born. We said our vows a year ago and will welcome our own bundle of joy into this world and rock the parenting thing like no other, I’m sure.

We’ve fallen in love over and over again with each new adventure.

I love our visits to Brown County even though they’re few and far between. Remember our last hike? Muddy and I was out of breath. Who knew I was pregnant? We found out the next day!

I love getting dressed up with you. We’ve been to so many weddings and I love watching love bloom with you.

Our tractor rides are some of my favorite memories when we first began dating. I loved bringing you meals and squeezing in time with you riding back and forth.

Holiday traditions and a vow to never go back to the tree lighting to avoid the obscene amounts of people and my utter dislike for large crowds and ridiculousness.

Date nights with friends. What are those? We are old and married and about to have kids. We totally need to make time for this. Look how young, alive, and happy we are!

You’ve supported me through anything and everything I’ve ever wanted to accomplish. You are the perfect companion because the amount of love and support you give tops them all. Our children will be super blessed to have someone like you as the captain of our team.

Vacations and getaways with you are always relaxing. You appreciate that time and make sure we make the best of it. You keep me grounded.

You love my family like they are your own and thank God because you know how attached I am to all of them. Unkie Mike, Unkie Bertrum, Unkie Mikey, Miguel…..all

the names of love from them.

Our holiday traditions of getting our tree on December 1st are seriously my favorite. You love Christmas just as much as me and our little guy’s 1st Christmas this year is going to be so special.

I’ll never forget the night you asked me to marry you. I was so pissed that you were giving me a computer mouse for Valentine’s Day and when you shakily got down on one knee I was shocked and totally ready to say YES!

You let me run with the wedding planning and ran I did. I ran fast and wanted to marry you in 5 short months. I was crazy and yet you dealt with it all.

We even snuck away to Gatlinburg on an incredible family trip.

We got married a couple weeks later….

And took our dream honeymoon cruise to the Bahamas…

And this is married life.

Matching Christmas sweatshirts and you looked so pleased.

Then 3 months after those ugly sweaters and lots of trial and error we were going to become parents!

The first time we heard his heartbeat you teared up and squeezed my hand. I fell in love with you all over again.

Seeing those blue balloons I knew this boy was going to be one of the luckiest little boys alive. He has you for a dad!

So we took one last trip as a couple without children taking in all the beauty the west had to offer. You made each day incredible and grounded me like you always do. You make me appreciate life and everything in it.

And I’ve been a hormonal mess and somehow you deal with it. You have been outside more than ever and I don’t know if it’s the beautiful weather or keeping yourself safe from my craziness. Either way we make this whole thing work perfectly. You are an incredible dad getting his sons first room together. A beautiful crib with incredibly painted walls. You’re so proud and should be.

So here’s to us.

5 down and at least 50 more to go is the plan.

I’m the most fortunate girl in the world and can’t imagine this life without you.

Repost: Different

August 10, 2015January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

It’s been one whole year and as I told my husband earlier this morning I could never express to him how grateful I am that he made that huge sacrifice and decision for himself and us. I could never tell him how proud I am of him because words just aren’t enough. . I wouldn’t trade going through this life with anyone else but him for anything. I am his #1 fan and I hope he always know how much he is loved.

REPOST from November….

Over 90 days ago we became two different people.

A good different. A better different.

Just a month before this major decision I walked down the aisle to say “I Do” and told him I wasn’t ever going to give up. Til death do us part.

This major decision has changed us in many ways but deep down we are the same. In fact, I believe the two of us are better because of it and quite possibly more true of ourselves than we were before.

My husband took it upon himself to seek some help. He left his pride behind and announced to the world that he wasn’t bigger than the alcohol. He was powerless to it. His family and himself were way more important and he needed some guidance to get back on track and become the man he wanted to be. For himself. For me. For us. For our future family.

Our close family and friends have supported us in this journey completely. We wouldn’t have made it through without them.

I was hurt, scared, and totally shocked when it all came about. I had no idea how out of control things really were. I freaked a bit.

My purpose in this post isn’t to dwell on the past. It’s the past.

My purpose is to tell you how incredibly proud I am of the man I am lucky to call my husband.

He set everything aside for 5 days to really focus on himself and start fresh. Start new.

Then he devoted 3 nights a week to a group of wonderful men who needed the same support. There were nights he came overloaded with strength and pride and there were nights that were a bit more rough. There were ups. There were downs.

We said this together. A lot.

I read books. I went to support groups. I heard some crazy flipping stories. Here is what I’ve learned:

1. It’s a disease….and if he had been diagnosed with cancer I would have never walked away….so I’m not walking away from this.

2. Just when you feel like life is the worst it can possibly be God tends to slap you in the face and say, “Girl, you have no idea…..how lucky you are.”

3. When we got married we weren’t promising to each other that we would never disappoint one another, because at some point both of us will do that very thing. What is important is that we never leave. We don’t escape. We don’t leave one another….just because we are disappointed. That is the meaning of fidelity.

I’ve learned it is far from over. I’m willing to face each and every day with my husband. I know there are days he will feel the urge to drink. There will be days he may think he just can’t take it anymore.

I can only hope that every day he remembers how totally loved he is….how incredible of a man he is….how much he means to me and so many others.

I do ask this of all of you – for goodness sake don’t not invite us to a party or a gathering. We are fully capable of having a good time without the buzz. Promise you that.

Yours truly,

It’s normal.

August 3, 2015 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

This is how a Monday looks.

Especially a Monday that begins switching classes.

And at 2:30 when I knew I needed to leave in 25 minutes I had a decision to make.

Come back after the baby appointment or quickly clean it up, pack a bag, and get on my way.

I went for option 2 because in just a few months I am going to leave it all behind for some time at home with my first born. And when I do go back I’ve got to learn to walk away and put my family first. I’ve got to learn to be a stellar teacher but make time for myself and my family. So I’m working on that now. It’s already hard. I wanted to go back because there are a million things I need to do but I also need to take care of me.

It’s such a tricky balance especially with the beginning of the year chaos and getting in the swing of things.

On to the baby appointment.

Week 24 is coming up and we got to hear little bambino so heartbeat.

I’m beyond thrilled that my husband makes the commitment each appointment to go along with me. He’s so committed to all of this and I’m definitely a lucky girl. I know this because there are constantly lonely gals in the waiting room and that always makes me sad.

I explained to doc that I’ve been having more headaches. It’s normal.

I’ve been dealing with some super weird feeling pelvic pressure. It’s normal.

I’ve been getting more and more uncomfortable when sitting or trying to lay down at night. It’s normal.

I went pee four times in one hour this morning. It’s normal.

I figured as such, but wanted to hear her say….it’s normal.

All of these feelings are new for me and although I’ve read tons of books and listened to all my momma friends I just wanted to make sure.

This normal is not always thrilling because it’s slightly uncomfortable but I wouldn’t trade being pregnant for anything in the world. I’m so blessed to be chosen as this boys momma.

All smiles and just a few tears

July 31, 2015 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Today was a good day

A really great day.

Today would have been my moms 61st birthday. I woke up this morning (5:20 am….first time in 2 months) an absolute emotional train wreck. I sobbed my way through a shower and just gave myself a pep talk to suck it up and hold my head high. I’m sure the emotions had nothing to do with total exhaustion from the world’s longest day prior to.

After work and visiting with my best friend I headed for my routine birthday visit at the cemetery. Usually I grab a cupcake but it was 5:30 and I was craving Olive Garden, not sweets. Shocking, I know. I pulled in and began to throw myself a huge pity party and sob. Why me? Why do I have to be pregnant without a mom to help guide me? Why will my little boy never meet his grandma? Why?

Then I stopped the car and got it. Immediately a heavenly conversation began and all that kept playing in my head was “I’ve already met him. I knew him before you even knew he existed. I’m keeping him safe for you now and always will.” Something like that.

That was all I needed to hear to feel better. Thanks mom!

As soon as I pulled out guess what flew in front of me?

A cardinal.

I laughed hysterically. I just love her signs. Perfect timing momma.

Today was also my first day of my 10th year of teaching 5th grade. It was an amazing first day topped off with the most beautiful flowers from the sweetest hubs around.

I have an incredible class of 23 cherubs and their unique and spunky personalities had me knowing their names within 30 minutes. It is a class overloaded with boys but I’m guessing that is God’s way of preparing me for what’s to come with my own little guy.

I did learn that “J’s” are not shoes you can wear for gym class. They are way too “fresh.” Every year I learn how far from the cool scale I have deflated.

It was so nice to get a special treat from a student with a gift card to Olive Garden so I didn’t have to cook tonight. Just perfect!

Our classroom was ready to go and I’m ready for day 2. There was SO much we didn’t get to but it can wait for tomorrow. I can’t wait to learn more about all of them!

I’m hoping my kids don’t notice the multiple restroom breaks I have to sneak away for. It’s hard to be quick and stealth like when you waddle.

Today was also CW’s first day of 6th grade and his first day at his dream school. His momma sent me this pic and it made my day too. I can’t believe he’s at the beginning of the halfway point. I don’t even want to think about it!

AND today marks 23 weeks of growing for our little guy.

This has been a fantastic pregnancy and I’ve loved every minute. I’ve gagged a few times but never thrown up. My nausea is slowly subsiding. I haven’t had any incredibly crazy cravings. Quite frankly the worst part has been the emotional roller coaster. I’m sure the fact that I’m becoming a “motherless mother”‘doesn’t help that. I’m doing the best I can. I try to let it all out without looking insane.

He’s about the size of a…

His hands are still so little!

And the most frightening part is the time left. 17 weeks.

I like to think of more as 3-4 months. We have nothing prepared for him so I’m starting to really stress out. His daddy’s to do list just keeps growing and work is not slowing down. Not sure how it will all get done!

We get to see him again next week and maybe a few photos.

We saw him 3 weeks ago and found he was a he.

Here’s proof!

He’s so perfect in every way. I just love every chance I get to feel him or see him. I’ve waited my whole life to be a mom and I feel so blessed to be pregnant.

This shot looks like he was praying.

Maybe for me to eat more double stuffed Oreos?

We’ve been getting so many wonderful gifts for him.

This adorable plaid outfit so he can match his daddy all the time…

Thanks Jordan!

Bags upon bags of hand me downs from his buddy Walker. And in those bags some hand downs from his older cousins CW and Brody Boy that passed down to Walker as well! Hand me downs from his buddy Caleb, thanks Court! I love hand me downs. If I never have to purchase this little guy a new outfit for the first year, two, or more I will NOT be mad at all!

Such a great day full of smiles with a few tears

Feeling very fortunate!

Out West Part 3

July 29, 2015January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / 1 Comment

The final part of our trip…..Yellowstone!

When we first planned a trip out to Idaho to visit with family I quickly looked up how close Yellowstone was to their place and knew, instantly, that I had to make the drive over. Now that I’ve been I guarantee it won’t be my last trip, but it was something I’ve always wanted to do.

This was typical me in the 1,200 trek across 3 states.
Blanket so my husband can’t freeze me out.
Book or phone in hand.

Here’s my sexy husband as we drive into the park for the first time.
We were both a little giddy to take it all in.

First stop was beautiful Gibbon Falls.
This man is in love/obsessed with water falls so he was super excited to see this beauty.

Yes, we have squirrels at home but I was totally excited to see wildlife for the first time.

I love when kind people offer to take your photo.

Next stop for Day 1 was the Norris Geyser Basin.

We decided to take the top loop first.

This place was super cool but also majorly stinky.
Talk about an awful fart smell….that’s sulfur for ya!

One thing I could not believe was how you stop to see a beautiful waterfall with luscious green trees and the next step is this ashy basin that stinks. Still beautiful, but in an incredibly different way.

I’m not even going to tell you what my husband said this basin reminded him of.
Let’s just say it’s a female body part.
It did make me giggle….and roll my eyes.

Danger!

The drive in between areas was always my favorite.

I was constantly on the lookout for wildlife and if you saw cars pulled over that was usually a good sign.

Our last stop for the 1st day was Tower Falls.

At one point in Day 1 I quickly learned that being cute is not nearly as important as being comfortable…especially when pregnant.
I did a quick change in one of the vault toilets.
By the way, I could definitely go without ever using a vault toilet again but I’m sure it won’t be my last time.

I was so ready to get back to our “camp” and check in to see our tent.

We were thrilled with how close the tent was to the bathroom because my current status on needing a bathroom is approximately about every 1-2 hours.

We settled in and got right to relaxing!

We stayed at a place called “Yellowstone Under Canvas” and you can find out more by clicking here. It’s a luxury sort of camping some call “glamping.”

I can not say enough wonderful things about this experience. We wanted something unique for our anniversary and that’s exactly what we got. It was completely relaxing and amazing. The bed was like sleeping on a huge cloud in heaven. There was a bonfire area for the “residents” to gather around at night. The bathrooms were within walking distance and were constantly being cleaned. No electricity in the tents but you have a wood burning stove to keep you warm. While everyone at home was sweating their butts off we were busy freezing in Yellowstone at 2 am. I had to wake my honey up to go walk me to the bathroom and start a fire again. I was too scared to walk alone to the bathrooms because, yes, I am a chicken and afraid of the dark and the unknown wildlife that might be there.

We will definitely go back. I’m not sure it’s somewhere you could stay for a week, although you probably could. It was so unique, peaceful, and calming. It was exactly what we needed to get away, reconnect, and reminisce on our one year of marriage.

Here’s the bed and dresser.

The stove.

Our little sitting area.

My honey starting me a fire!

Day 2!

Had to stop at the sign by the entrance for the photo op of course.

First bit of wildlife inside the west entrance was this sweet bison just chillin in his patch.

Then some elk hanging out.

More bison.

Then to Canyon Village to check out the upper and lower falls.
Beautiful!

I’ve never seen the actual Grand Canyon but the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone is incredible.

It’s breathtaking!

On our way to the next step we ran into this guy who was hogging up the road.

We got pretty close when we passed him and it freaked me out a bit.
He looked less than pleased.
Wouldn’t you be with all that hair?

On to our next adventure where we came across a black bear.

He was pretty cute and little.

But I totally kept my distance!

We cruised through Hayden Valley and I had heard there would be herds of buffalo.

There certainly was and it was incredible.

Look at all of them!

This guy posed for me.

Bison everywhere!

Then a grizzly bear!

He/she was little as well and there was a park ranger keeping everyone quite a distance away from him.

We read a lot of amazing factual information on the park animals and I learned that grizzly bears are much more dangerous than black bears.

Next stop…..Lake Yellowstone!

Next stop….West Thumb Geyser Basin.

As you can probably guess it was stinky too!

We came across the Continental Divide!
Pretty neat and something I can definitely show my students this year when we discuss.

Last stop for the day was the Old Faithful Geyser.

Parking here was a BLEEP!

It was definitely the most crowded place in the park.

We did get lucky and walked up right as it was erupting.

Incredible to watch!

The last of the eruption.

We talked about sticking around for 90 minutes until it erupted again but we knew that just like the 500 parade if we stuck around someone would still step right in front of us and block our view regardless. We didn’t get the best photos of it erupting but seeing it in person is the way to go.

Side note – There are loads of people in the park without manners.

It was hard for me to keep my shit together, not going to lie. In fact, at one point my husband watched from afar fearing that I was going to push a lady down a cliff. Surprisingly, I kept my cool but did let her know she sucked. Her manners sucked and told her where I was from we had manners, to which she responded “where’s that?” I told her Indiana and her stupid reply was, “Oh, as cold as it is there I wouldn’t think you’d have manners!” Since when does climate have anything to do with respecting others? I also told off her husband hoping he might be able to regain some control on his woman.

I might have also elbowed or shoulder blocked someone else. I will deny it if anyone asks me about it but I was tired of being ran into by the same group of people so I figured an “accidental” elbow wasn’t going to kill anyone.

This was the point in time where my sweet husband actually told me to go take a breather in the car and relax. I think he knew it could’ve been worse.

Anyways………….

Old Faithful Inn….BEAUTIFUL!

We had dinner reservations here for our anniversary but we were both ready to get back to camp and our dinner at the campsite at the Restaurant, Bar N Ranch, was so incredible the first night that we were dying to go back.

Maybe next time?

More elk on the way home.

Back to camp on night 2!

The brown building off in the distance is the restaurant.

They only serve breakfast and dinner and everything we ate was outstanding.

I would go back just for their food!

The Ranch Foreman, Ron, made homemade biscuits every morning and his own special deep fried french toast. I cannot say enough wonderful things about that restaurant and I long to go back!

Our tent!

Sunsets are to die for out west.

We got a little more dressed up for our anniversary dinner.
I even showered and put on a dress.

We had an amazing dinner together and I can’t wait to spend about 50+ more anniversary dinners with this guy. He’s my soul mate.

The next morning we made a few stops on our way out the south entrance of the park.

This is beautiful Firehole falls.

And then to more Geyser Basins on the way out…Midway and Lower.

Next stop out the south entrance….the Grand Tetons!

This is Mount Moran.
There was still snow on top!

We got really good at setting up the camera on the hood of the car for a couples picture.

Hence whey some of our photos are crooked. Oh well!

This is a pronghorn.
A very strange animal known in the Tetons area.

Mormon Row was next.
I’m obsessed with Mormons so I was eager to see where they set out after settling in Utah.

Another pronghorn!

Bison everywhere here too!

After the Tetons a stop in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

This is a town I could spend several days in. Unfortunately, we only spent a few hours here. We did a bit of shopping and walking around. It is a gorgeous little town. I could compare it a bit to a higher priced more elegant Brown County on steroids. Unique shops and loads of people.

That night we stayed in Idaho Falls again and the next morning on our way back to Hailey, Idaho we stopped at Craters of the Moon National Monument.

This place definitely looks like what I imagine the moon to be.

One last night and one last sunset in Hailey, Idaho after a tour of Sun Valley Lodge and amazing dinner at Enoteca where my brother in law is a chef at.

I miss the West and the beauty it holds but like any vacation I was ready to get home to my own bed and get back in a routine. I’m a creature of habit whether I want to be or not and it was time to be home.

Fortunate to Spend one last Childless Vacation with the Man of My Dreams,

Out West Part 2

July 27, 2015January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Out West Part 1

July 25, 2015January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Our trip out west was awesome. Now, it wasn’t a sandy beach with tropical weather….but there is something just as breathtaking about the beautiful mountains and nature that Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana have to offer.

The trip started a little rough, I’m not going to lie. The night before we were scheduled to leave Mike couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t get “checked in” with United Airlines through Orbitz. Finally, he gave up and figured he would try again in the morning since our flight wasn’t suppose to leave until 5 pm. The next morning it was his first task to accomplish and roughly about an hour or two after waking up (still in my pjs) he informs me that our flight is leaving at 2 pm, not 5.

I took a deep breath and made a mad dash for the shower and to finish packing. I didn’t shed one tear, which is quite an accomplishment for me these days. I was ready to go in 45 minutes and luckily our ride to the airport (FIL) was over at the house in an hour to get us to the airport. I did take a quick minute to call Orbitz and scream my head off at some foreigner who proceeded to tell me, “it happens” and they were sorry. Sorry?!?! I’m just glad my husband thought to call or we definitely would have missed our flights. Oh, and I originally booked a flight with one layover and now this one had two. We had to go to Chicago BEFORE we landed in Denver to then fly again to Sun Valley.

And wouldn’t you know it that Denver was having some rough weather so we were late getting to Denver because we flew AROUND the storm? Of course!

However, everyone’s flights were delayed in Denver….so we didn’t miss the second flight to our final destination. We were suppose to arrive in Sun Valley/Hailey, Idaho around 8 pm and finally made it in around 11 pm. It was definitely a long day and my swollen feet were seriously unhappy with me….but we made it.

Side note – Do you know how many moms fly alone with little babies? A lot! I was way more observant of this than ever before. I was shocked. There is no way I think I could ever do that by myself. Those babies were perfect, too! A few tears but mostly sleeping and seriously awesome little campers for a long day of flying.

Unfortunately we got to the quaint little town of Hailey, Idaho when it was pretty darn dark so we saw next to nothing the night we arrived.

But when we woke up the next morning….WOW. My bro and sis-in-law have an incredible property in the mountains. Right now they are in the process of building their dream home on this property and her dad and sister are there to help this summer. We’ve seen pictures through text along the way but it didn’t hold a candle to the scenery they get to wake up to every morning.

Here are a few pictures of their house coming along.

Guest cabin

Mountain outside their deck

View from their bedroom

Inside look at the loft and the stairs leading up

Kitchen

By the time we left they had installed the deck door here but I forgot a pic!

There’s the deck door. This is also the camper they are living in while they build.

Just out their driveway

The next day we all packed up and headed to Stanley, Idaho. Along the way we made some pit stops to take a look around and see some fabulous scenery of beautiful Idaho.

There are hot springs EVERYWHERE out west and here’s one of them.
That’s my brother-in-law, David, testing the waters.

and his lovely white legs

Isn’t my husband adorable?

I have just about given up on being cute while pregnant.
The scale hasn’t changed a whole lot but boy I feel huge.
And I know it’s only going to get worse!

This overlook was incredible.

Look at that bump.
Everything is getting larger…ya hear?

Here’s my sis-in-law, Louise, her dad Rich/Dick/Richard/Funny Old Man, and her sweet sweet sister Elaine

Brothers

We stopped at Red Fish Lake on the way.
Beautiful lake and LOTS of kiddos swimming in some super cold water.
They even had a dog beach for Judy and VooDoo!

Judy’s their sweet stinky dog.
She’s a lot like Shiloh.

Meeting other dogs on the beach.

Judy and VooDoo

Here’s another hot spring in Stanley, Idaho.
Of course, being pregnant, it was one of the many things I couldn’t enjoy on the trip.
I’m definitely traveling back out west without a fetus so I can horseback ride, maybe whitewater rafting, and enjoy some hot springs.

Here’s the cabin we stayed at in Idaho and the boys grilling dinner.
We had delicious trout!

This was looking out behind our cabin.
A beautiful cattle ranch on the Salmon River.

There’s always part of vacations where the husband wants to do something that totally interests him and sounds terribly boring to me. I love him dearly so I roll my eyes and go with the flow for a bit to see his eyes sparkle and his smile shine.

This was that part.

The dredge.

He can probably tell you way more about it than I can because I had to pee most of the tour and couldn’t pay attention. I was also terribly bored and wanted to stick a fork in my eye.

Basically it’s a huge machine that works like a CoinStar except they were looking for gold.
He would kill me for explaining it like that, but that’s how I understood it.

Looking sexy at the dredge waiting to hear where the bathroom is.

The rest of these pics were totally my husband. I have no freakin clue what they are but I know he wants to show his buddies….sooo……scroll down til something sparks your interest.

Then we stopped at a ghost town, Custer.

It use to be a hopping little town for those who worked on the dredge and now it’s nothing.

BUT, you can walk through some of the buildings which is really neat and see what life use to be like.

Kind of reminds me of Conner Prairie, without the cool people to reenact.

I wanted to see inside this house until a rodent crawled across the floor, then I was out.

Children’s graves who had been lost in an avalanche.

Still taking work calls.
The man never stops.

Loved looking at these horses outside of the cabin.

That’s all for now!

After Hailey and Stanley, Idaho we headed up to Idaho Falls and Yellowstone….part 2 later!

Truly Fortunate for a Beautiful Vacation,

Book Talk: Motherless Mothers

July 25, 2015 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

“There is an emptiness inside of me — a void that will never be filled. No one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a mother’s love. And I will never be loved that way again.”
― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

It took me years to complete Motherless Daughters. Years. It was a tough read and I jumped around and read what I needed.

Recently on vacation I finished the book Motherless Mothers which I had started as soon as I found out I was pregnant. At first it was way too tough to read but gradually it got easier.

The fact is….I’m about to be a motherless mother. Whether I want it to happen or not, it’s happening. It’s tragic and it majorly sucks but I’m the type who likes to read books to deal with things or learn about things and this book did exactly that. I’m dealing with this situation better than I was before because I read Hope Edelman’s book.

i learned that becoming a mother meant mourning all over again. When I was 17 and lost my mom the furthest thing from my mind was getting married and having children. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind that I would someday be a motherless mother. I couldn’t mourn that loss because it was too far away. Now it’s happening. I’m more scared for the time following his birth than now. Now I can maintain my emotions and I’m only taking care of myself. When I have a meltdown or bawl like a baby and want to curl up and die….I can (minus the dying part). After he arrives I can’t just break down I have to take care of him and I’m not just going to be taking care of myself anymore.

The first person I wanted to share my news with after I told my husband was my mom. After all this time she is still the one I want to share my news with. Seems crazy. I mean, my goodness, this December it will be 14 years since she has been gone. Yet she’s still the one I want to run and tell everything to.

I’ve learned that having my first child is, in general, a time of immense uncertainty. I feel most days like I’m acting more like a child than an adult and regressing just a bit. Just before our vacation I had an entire day of meltdowns to the point where I curled up and didn’t want to leave the bed. I really didn’t want to go on the vacation or leave town. I’m very glad that I did…but at that point in time I didn’t want to leave my room or my bed.

Probably one of the hardest things (and always has been) is seeing other women with their mothers. It’s just a painful reminder. I have an amazing group of women who have been there for me since I lost my own mom. Unfortunately, it’s just not the same. I don’t want anyone to try and replace her. It’s just not even possible. I tend to get very angry seeing mothers help friends become mothers. Or hearing about mothers getting ready for their own grandchildren. I get angry because that will never be a possibility for me. And it sucks. This pregnancy has just magnified an already existing problem of me seeing women with their mothers. I will probably forever be a “wishful thinker” missing her emotional support and even her practical help like babysitting, information, and sharing her own personal pregnancy stories.

I never got the chance to talk to my mom about her own pregnancy with me. I can’t believe I didn’t ask those questions when she was around. It just never crossed my mind. I hate that. I wish I knew how long she was in labor for with me. I wish I knew if the birth was fast and easy or painful and slow. There’s just so much I wish I knew. As Edelman puts it, “it’s helpful to have a blueprint for comparison as the trimesters progress.” I have no blueprint from my own mother. Yup, that sucks too.

I imagine that my mom would have eagerly anticipated another grand baby and been waiting after each prenatal visit for a text or phone call for me to report an update. Right now my husband is amazing and attends every visit with me and occasionally I send my sister or best friend an update but she isn’t there waiting for an update. It’s rough each time I leave because besides my best friend and sister there’s still something missing. I want to call her. No one can replace that.

According to the novel, “79% of women admitted to having a gender preference during their pregnancies.” I’m one of those. I will fully admit that although a healthy baby was exactly what I wanted I also wanted pink balloons to fly out of that box. In fact I had convinced myself that it would be a girl simply because I wanted him to be. This book helped explain to me why I wanted it to be a girl so badly. I was longing to replace or relive that mother daughter bond in my life by having my own little girl. This was a major lightbulb moment for me. It actually made me feel better about wanting a girl so bad and being just a little bit bummed when we found out. I hope that someday I will get the chance to have my little girl and have that mother daughter bond…there’s really no telling. I certainly don’t want to be greedy, I just miss that bond and having a relationship where my mom was my best friend is something I truly wish to share with my own daughter some day.

In just a few months (I can hardly believe it) I’ll be in the labor and delivery room. I’m scared of this part. I want to have my husband and my sister there as my support team to ease my fears. I wish my mom could be there, of course, but I know that my husband and sister will tag team and keep me calm and comfortable the best they can. I’m fearful of all sorts of things. Things you probably can’t even imagine or wonder why in the heck I would worry about that. It’s just what I do. Sudden loss does that to people. I know I’ll be sad. I hope it doesn’t consume the day that’s suppose to be so wonderful as our first child enters the world but I’m sure at some point….I will be sad.

Poetpartum? Yes, I’m worried about that too. I think our timing is great because I will be soaring through the holidays with the new bambino and what is not to love about a new baby and Christmas? But after Christmas I always get the winter blues when the excitement is over and the overload of family time fades.

I’m worried about colic. I’m worried that breastfeeding won’t be successful. I’m just worried it won’t be picture perfect in our house once we bring him home. I know, deep down, that it won’t be. I also know, deep down, that it’s going to be totally okay if it isn’t. No one is perfect and probably more so than that….no first time parents are perfect either.

Probably the hardest part to read was about the absent grandmother. This little guy will have a ton of loving and caring women in his life that will treat him so special but that doesn’t replace her. I plan to talk about Mamaw Debbie and let him know all about her. I want him to know what she looks like and talk to her just like his momma does. I want him to ask all the questions in the world to find out more about her. I don’t want her to absent in any way but her physical presence. I want him to feel her around him all the time and know he has his very own guardian angel. He has a grandmother in heaven and not everyone is “lucky” enough to have their own guardian angel.

This book was like a knight in shining armor that saved me from my worries. They are all still there but I have coping mechanisms to deal with them and someone (Hope Edelman) who gets it. Someone who gets it and has shared stories from other motherless mothers as well. She wrote several other chapters I read that I haven’t discussed her……. about all the years of being a parent up until sending him off to college and I plan to look back quite often for help and guidance. I’m also super fortunate to have an amazing big sister with advice to get me through.

Through all this I want to thank YOU, the reader, for just listening to me. I’m not asking for your sympathy or advice but just thank you for being an “ear” to “listen” as I travel on this path to being a motherless mother.

Full Pull Fortune

a fortunate wife and momma + life's lovely moments