And then there were 4….

November 2, 2017January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

We are so blessed to announce that in May Easton will be a Big Brother….and 3 will become 4!

I have every good intention possible to be more present on this blog. I have a crazy (almost) 2 year old. Pregnancy the second time around is a whole new ball game.

Truly, since getting pregnant, it’s been nothing but exhaustion and nausea. Is the exhaustion the 2 year old or the pregnancy, though? That’s the real question.

I’d love to be better about documenting this beautiful life we live. Beautiful – as in crazy and screwed up. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Well, maybe a weekend away in Nashville with the girlfriends when I’m NOT nursing or pregnant.

The Truth Behind Meal Planning

August 24, 2017January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Here’s the truth behind meal planning

See that August calendar? See all the changes?

That’s real life people.

Shit happens and momma don’t feel like cooking.

Or, poppa goes out of town and momma finds all the possible excuses to go to dinner with girlfriends and their cherubs.

Lots of arrows. Lots of crossing out.

That’s the truth behind meal planning.

The best part about meal planning is. I buy groceries for the week based on my meals I’m planning. BUT, if we didn’t get to eat a meal I purchased groceries for the week before….then guess what?

We are eating it the following week instead and that is less groceries to purchase!

It’s a beautiful thing.

Wanna know what’s not beautiful?

A 1 year old who refuses to eat a decent meal.

A husband who works his ass off and is hardly ever home to eat my home cooked meal.

A wife who basically cooks a meal for herself.

A raging toddler who throws that delicious meal at the dog.

A beastly little 1 year old who claims he’s “hungy” and wants to “eat” all the time but once it’s time to sit down at the dinner table he screams like a lunatic at what you’ve prepared.

Those things are not beautiful at all.

In fact, they’re enough to make me lose my shit on a nightly basis.

But, I’ll try again.

Here’s my plan for September and maybe there won’t be as m any arrows?

One can hope!

Big moments means a little bit of heartache

November 22, 2016 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

There are a lot of BIG life moments about to happen.

Easton’s turning 1.
Thanksgiving.
Krista turns 40.
We move into our own home.
Mom’s been gone for 15 years
Brody turns 6
Christmas.

Do you know what that means for me?

Anxiety.
Depression.
Sadness.
A huge feeling of loss.

What should be some of the happiest times turns into the saddest….when I let it.

I try and stay positive and remember she’s with me and she’s proud and she gets to see it all.

But, I miss her.
I wish she was here to help me through it. I wish she was here to help me put on the parties and make the food and help me decorate.

I’m so thankful for my helpful team. My sister. My best friends . My aunts. I’m so blessed to share these moments with them.

My sweet husband loves and cares for me so much through these times. When I cry and tell him I just miss my mom. He does the best he can and just says, “I know.” If I’m driving him crazy he doesn’t let it on one bit.

The holidays are tough when you miss someone so much.

8 months

July 22, 2016January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

My sweet baby boy is quickly becoming a big boy and I can’t believe how fast 8 months has passed us by.

We had so many more adventures this month! Summer is absolutely incredible.

He experienced his first ever County Fair.

I’m not sure he’s 100% in love just yet because it totally jacked up his napping and bedtime, but I know by next year he will be a County Fair Fan just like his momma.

He enjoyed his first fair milkshake and nibbles of sweet corn. He still prefers the boob and puréed baby food.

He screams and squeals and has started to throw little tantrums. He’s a little bit rotten and maybe will have an attitude. Don’t know where he gets that! Ha!

He’s taking 2-3 naps a day depending on when he wakes up. Next week will be rough when we have to be out the door by 6:30 am again. Ugh. Not looking forward to that part.

We eventually did he whole cry it out thing. We were not blessed with a great sleeper. He rarely sleeps 8-7. Most of the time he’s up 2-3 times a night but we are trying hard to let him cry. Teething has made me a little more compassionate. L

We’ve enjoyed our friends and our pool all summer long.

We’ve spent many days on the deck and in the water!

At the County Fair he participated in his first ever Baby Contest. He went for Happiest Baby and Best Costume and only came home with a participants ribbon which I found to be a crock of sh** but whatever.

He was at his first ever Church at the Fair.

He took naps at the show arena while momma watched.

And we spent most afternoons at Aunt Kiki’s house to take a nap. He loves her fuzzy blanket and curling up naked on the floor to relax.

And the best was seeing our friend Zach at the fair! He and Zach are best buddies at Mrs. Jenny’s and they were so happy to be reunited.

We took a quick trip to Aldi’s for some canned food for the food drive and E really loved sitting like a big boy in the cart with Brody Boy.

Then Aunt Kiki started not feeling so great from her dang kidney stones (finally gone) and E got to spend LOTS of time with his cousins. They stayed the night and took baths together. He loved every minute of having them over.

We celebrated the 4th of July by watching fireworks in Fortville and then fireworks from Aunt Cathy’s back porch.

Sometimes momma takes him to the grocery when he is a little bit tired. So this finally happened….

Momma allowed his first ride on the lower ONLY because the blades weren’t on and daddy was just transporting some stuff.

Still made me nervous.

E loved it, of course.

We took our first trip to the Zoo with cousins and aunts!

He loved the fish and sharks and penguins but fell asleep during the dolphin show.

He also loved the carousel ride.

The orangutan loved him.

We read books everyday and he’s starting to really love tearing them apart. Of course he teacher in me wants to freak the heck out.

On July 9th he started crawling.

Everywhere.

He has a million toys and all he wants are glass candles and the cords. Go figure.

He love Shiloh even more.

She’s still tolerating him.

Aunt Cathy said he reminded her Of me. Of course I see it but most of the time we hear how much he looks like daddy. He’s a great combination!

Still loving bath time.

And our first trip to the lake!

Our annual family boat trip to Lake Monroe. He really wanted to be in the water and once Mommy’s fears subsided we tried it but you hated the life jacket so it was a no go.

We celebrated our 2nd Wedding Anniversary with a family date night.

Izakaya was entertaining for E.

He was a little nervous about the fire.

Daddy found a matching shirt.

We had a date day with Brody. Splashpark and Taco Bell. I swear E could watch him play all day long. He just loves him so much!

Before he turned 8 months and those too teeth came in I really wanted a tooth pic. I’d been trying to get one all month long with no luck. I wrestled him to the ground. It began with laughter and ended with tears.

His little

Monthly photo shoots are becoming increasingly difficult.

But this boy has made me the happiest momma in the world. Every day I look at him and can’t imagine what life was like before he came along.

Truly blessed.

Sleep Battles

May 30, 2016 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Last night we did it.

We had night #1 of transitioning to the crib.

This was beginning to happen too often and I think pretty soon he would have been out of that bassinet.

We bathed him. Read a story. And I nursed him in his rocking chair with the nature sounds going on the machine. He went down beautifully well. Without a peep. I did laundry and things around the house and our bedroom without tiptoeing around a sleeping angel. It felt strange. It felt good. I felt guilty. I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t have someone to keep an eye on next to me and no one was fighting sleep next to me.

Eventually I gave in to sleep after countless trashy reality shows and shortly after at 1 am the beast woke up.

I texted his daddy who was still downstairs and he came to the rescue. Because if I had went in to rescue him we would have been right back to nursing in the night which I know he doesn’t need. Have you seen him? He’d prefer to work his way to childhood obesity by nursing all through the night but I’m on to him. I know he can sleep through the night because up until a month ago….he did! He never woke up and he never needed me. Then 5 months hit and all hell broke loose.

I had heard of the 4 month sleep regression but Easton decided to trick us and wait until 5 months. It was part of his plan just to make us think he might have slipped that lovely little crap of a growth spurt everyone warns you of.

Well, he didn’t. He’s just a little behind schedule.

So from 1 am to 3:30 am he battled. He fought hard. His dad never gave up. He’s the most patient man I know.

Meanwhile I cried in the bedroom next door. You see I’m the milk machine. The food source. So I can’t go in to rescue him. At one point I went in crying to his dad who I’m fairly certain wanted to smack me and say “Get the hell out of here….you’re making it worse!”

I cried because my heart was breaking. I just wanted to hold my sad and pitiful little baby joy and snuggle him back in bed with me.

Through this I’ve realized this is how bad habits start. Parents give in to the battle and let little ones sleep in bed like we have for the last month because ya know what? Everyone just wants some fucking sleep.

At 3 am you don’t give a shit what kind of habit you’re starting. You just want sleep.

I use to judge people that let this happen. I use to think and say and think things like “I will never allow my child to sleep in bed with me.”

Here’s what I’ve learned. For whatever I’ve said “I will never……….” I will.

I most certainly will.

Yet another example of karma folks.

My 1st Mother’s Day

May 8, 2016 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Mother’s Day has always been tough but this year it’s bittersweet.

I long to talk to my sweet mom and just to hear her voice.

Yet I wake to a loving little babbling boy who constantly says “da da da da da” right now even to wake me up on Mother’s Day. Oh, the irony.

I wish I could spend a Saturday shopping with my momma just like we use to.

But now I’m blessed with a little man who chatters at every person we pass in Kroger.

My biggest fan is gone.

Now I get to be someone else’s biggest fan. And my goodness am I ever.

I hear the words “Mother’s Day” and cringe a bit knowing everyone (ok, not everyone) gets to see their mom on this special Hallmark holiday and my heart aches when I see my grandma and aunts who love me so dearly.

Today I heard the words “Happy Mother’s Day” from the most loving man I know, my husband, and I broke into tears. Sadness because I’m celebrating without her combined with total sleep deprivation because Easton had a really thought night.

This Mother’s Day is unique. My first. One more first to conquer without her. When I feel pity for myself wondering when these firsts will ever end I look into his pretty blue eyes and I see her. I see a piece of me and a piece of her in everything he and I do together. I keep her memory alive in each and every moment.

Being a motherless mother is far from easy or fun. It’s a challenge to go on but he makes every single day worth it. My two boys make waking up a joy.

Even when it’s waking up at 1 am and then 2:30. And then even again at 4 am.

Every moment is worth it.

I’m blessed with a sweet boy who has a loving sitter to help make days special. Easton made this with Miss Jenny and I’m so grateful he has someone so special who loves him. We are truly lucky to have her in our lives.

I even got flowers from him!

I’m blessed to be a mommy.

Something I’ve wanted my whole entire life.

I’m blessed because I learned from the best.

I’m blessed with a sister who loves and guides me into this journey of motherhood. I’m blessed because I have a grandmother who has given so much and aunts who care for us daily. I’m blessed with special women who try their hardest to fill that role. I’m blessed with best friends who answer the most ridiculous texts about the most obscene things. Thank goodness I have them for this crazy ridiculous ride of life.

I’m blessed because I get to snuggle with this guy who will someday call me momma.

I am who I am and owe it all to her. I live each day hoping Easton will know her too…..through me.

Honest Abe said it so well…

Being a momma is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. Thank you to my loving husband for being next to me each step of the way.

We created the most perfect little man I could have ever dreamed of.

Love is Love

April 27, 2016January 23, 2018 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

I’m just over it.

I’m over the Facebook posts and the news stories about trans people in restrooms and gay people getting married.

Let them be! Let them love!

Love is love.

Right now I can’t sleep because all I see on the late night news is hate. I can’t sleep because I look at my sweet, loving, innocent baby and think, “Love who you want, just love.”

Love someone just like your daddy loves me. Love them with your whole heart and soul and love them like you’d die for them. Just love sweet boy, just love.

Today I read an article about a Methodist preacher (my religion) who married two men. Not going to lie (and this will probably make some people dislike me) I was rather thrilled. I’m happy this pastor took a stand and did what he felt was right. You can tell me that in the bible it says being homosexual isn’t allowed. You can prove to me with a verse and I have one to show you that makes me feel otherwise.

Bottom line, in my opinion, is God is love. He gave his only Son for our sins and folks, we all sin….daily. No one is perfect. No one will ever be perfect.

I can make you one guarantee right now. If we all loved a little more and hated a little less this world would be a much safer place to live in.

I’m not going to worry about sending my child in a bathroom because someone filled with hate wants to pretend to be someone they’re not. That’s like saying I’m not going to send my kid to a public school because someone with hate “might” come with a gun.

I choose not to live in fear.

Do I stress occasionally about those things? Sure.

Do I think about them every so often? Absolutely.

Do I watch the news and shake my head in disbelief? Damn right.

This world is scary.

I choose not to live in fear. I choose to take my stress, anxiety, and disbelief and pray. I pray that there will be more love. I talk to God and pray because that’s what gets me through.

I love my Lord and I know that no matter what I will see my mom again in Heaven and my husband and my son will be right there with me someday.

It doesn’t matter who Easton decides to love. I will see him in Heaven because that’s what I choose to believe.

I choose love.

4 months

March 23, 2016 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Our little man is 4 months old today. I can’t believe how quickly he is growing. Everyone tells you but you just don’t believe it until it actually flies by.

In this last month he’s changed so much and I’ve cried almost daily just at the thought of returning to work and missing these moments. I really don’t want to miss any piece of time with him. It’s what is best for our family (returning to work) but I’ll probably always wish and hope times were different and I was able to be at stay at home mom. Who knows, maybe someday that will be a possibility. For now I beg you not to tell me I could make it work if I really wanted to because you don’t know our situation and I’m liable to punch you in the throat.

Anyways.

Let’s take a look at my sweet babes last month.

I cherished all snuggled and took advantage of his 45 minute nap intruder. When he was still tired I rocked him back to sleep and napped with him. Because….why the heck not?

He still wakes up this happy every single morning. He’s such a morning guy and always excited to see our faces. I’ll remind him of this in about 13 years.

For some reason this whole 45 minute intruder really started to suck the life out of our days. I’ve felt like when we’re home all day I’m constantly battling him to take a nap. And this cute pouty face was just not having it.

He’s finally into his toys! He loves his Sophie giraffe and anything he can get in his mouth.

And the clothes.

It’s not tutus and frilly dresses but it’s still fun to dress him each morning and squeeze his chunky butt into something adorable.

He does nap.

Really

I just panic because I think he should be sleeping more. Maybe he’s just a babe that doesn’t need much sleep during the day. He’s happy when he’s awake!

His hair is still crazy and he’s getting a little bald spot in the back since he moves around more in his sleep.

He loves his bedtime stories with mommy or daddy!

He’s still in love with Miss Gracie. He’s jealous of her thigh rolls but dominates her in heighth.

He loves to visit Great Grandma and she loves to see him too. This visit ended with projectile spit up all over GG’s shoes. Whoops!

Tummy time isn’t as fun as it use to be but he tolerates it once or twice a day. He’d rather be sitting up with help!

We’ve rooted the Hoosiers to a spot in the Sweet 16. Wahoo! Thanks to Didi for our IU onesie.

Sometimes when his Aunt Kiki babysits his cousins like to play dress up with him. This is his Uncle Woodbury look.

He’s constantly on the move. Twisting to see the TV.

Kicking his way in a circle.

Even breaking down his little gym with all his kicks!

His first “Ussie”

More nap time snuggles and those chubby little fingers.

Mommy got more adventurous and took him shopping more. This was a Hobby Lobby trip!

Of course we saw the Easter bunny and as you can tell he was thrilled!

I took a day to plan and adjust to life back at work and Easton spent the day with Michelle. It was hard for me to be away all day but I got this happy dude picture!

Every day he loves his jumpy seat more and more. A little added support beneath him and behind him still but he’s loving sitting up like a big guy!

His 1st St. Patrick’s Day!

A play date with cousin Jack

Cooking dinner with momma.

And his 4 month photo shoot with the help of his big cousins!

4 month milestones:

He rolled from his tummy to his back a few times but is no expert yet!

He started only sleeping 5 hours at night waking in the middle of the night with tummy pains and now is back to 8-10 hours thank goodness!

He had a big shopping and lunch trip with Mamaw for new summer and spring clothes

He’s kicking a LOT more and harder too!

He still loves his bath time at night.

He went to Juncle Club for the first time at momma’s gym and has had some more babysitters.

We had a scary stroller fall at the mall and mommy was very thankful for our Guardian Angel who told me to buckle him in right before it happened. Otherwise it could have been a lot worse!

He’s starting to give kisses. Wet. Drolly. Fabulous ones.

He’s getting a little difficult to change his diaper with all his wiggles so I’m guessing that will only get worse! And by worse I mean more exciting for us.

This next month will be difficult not spending every single day with him but I know he will enjoy Miss Jenny and socializing with new friends.

Happy 4 Months EDubs!

Pity Party of 1

February 26, 2016 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Dear Mom,

Every day I look into little man’s eyes it breaks my heart a little because you aren’t here. You aren’t here for me to ask questions. You aren’t here to hold my hand. You aren’t here for me to drop him off at your house so I can take a break or run errands. You aren’t here and selfishly I need you here more for me than I think for him. You aren’t here physically where I can see you and feel you but I know you watch over us. I swear you stand right behind the chair because he’s constantly looking up in that empty space smiling.

I’m struggling. My anxiety and now a little depression. I’m struggling knowing I have to return to work in a few weeks and leave him behind. I’ll miss stuff and I don’t want to. It’s not fair. I wish I could stay at home.

I realize I can’t. It’s not what is best for our family and I have to stop thinking of myself all the time.

But then I really cry when I think about what the second best option would be. The option so many of my friends have. His grandma watching him every day. You watching him every day. You could spoil him rotten. Sing him songs. Read him books. You watching him every single day would be the second best option to me staying at home.

Even that’s not an option.

It sucks this isn’t even an option but I guess in the grand scheme of things it’s just me being selfish. You couldn’t really be a grandma if you were with him every single day. He needs to socialize and make friends at daycare. And Miss J is going to love him so much and he will adore her too.

This is just me being whiney.

Declaring, yet again, life’s not fair.

This isn’t an open invite to my pity party. It’s just a party for me.

Tomorrow is a better day. A new day.

I just had to whine a little.

3 months old

February 22, 2016 / ashleyeileenp / Leave a comment

Today Easton is 3 months old.

Tear.

I can’t wait to see all the photos his talented Didi got this weekend for his 3 month photo session.

And I’ve realized I have made a major mommy fail. I haven’t blogged/journaled about his 1 month or 2 month accomplishments but I hope to get back on track from here on out. So here’s an apology to E for the future – I’m sorry sweet darling but you swallowed my life whole when you arrived and I completely forgot to document the first two months of your life on here. I do have pictures. I have a baby book filled out (or working on) and I’ve taken some videos. But for some reason I can’t find time to do it all. This motherhood gig has taken up all my free time because there’s nothing else I would rather do than kiss on your chubby cheeks and smell your head and hold you. So, my apologies. I was loving you too much to get it all written down. I promise to do better.

Love,

A Mommy Head Over Heels in Love

Ok, moving on….

So Easton is 3 months old today and life has changed so much. He has changed so much. I think almost daily I tell his daddy how I don’t want him to grow anymore than he already has. I love him so much I just can’t stand all this change. It literally hurts my heart.

In the last month he has…

Become very chatty during his bedtime feeding. It’s like he knows we are about to be apart in separate beds for over 6 hours and his little heart can’t stand it. He wants to coo and tell me all about his day. His eyes light up as he nurses and he unlatches often to make one of his many sounds.

His farts make him smile. This must be a boy thing because I swear my husband does the same.

Mommy and daddy had their first date night for mommy’s 32nd birthday and then the next weekend to see mommy’s other man, Pat McAfee on his comedy tour. E got to stay with Aunt Cathy who he’s very fond of. She knows all the magic tricks to get him to giggle and even fall asleep. She’s like Easton’s personal baby whisperer. He has her wrapped around his chunky fingers.

Within the last week he has been chowing down on his hand. Like slurping, sucking, drooling monster over his hands. They must taste delicious.

He’s started to giggle a little. It’s kind of a silly giggle and it’s not real hearty yet but he has a smile and noises all together and he’s clearly a happy guy when we do certain things. He loves attention and when you’re not giving it to him he will be sure to let you know.

Papaw and Mamaw Plank have bought him a few touch and feel books. One we read at bedtime and a new one he got for Valentine’s Day and these books make him VERY happy. As soon as I get them out to read he begins talking and getting excited. Textures are his thing right now and I know this will only get more exciting.

He’s started taking a nap a day in his crib. He’s still sleeping in our room in his bassinet next to the bed, but we want him to get use to his crib for the future. He usually only lasts for 45 minutes to an hour and almost always wakes up because he pooped himself. But still, we are napping in the crib and that’s a big step.

A few days a week he really loves his momma and wants to give me a break so he takes a big fat 2 hour nap. Sometimes even 3 hours. And sometimes 2 of those in a day. Those days I get SO much done. If only I knew when he was going to sleep that long then I would lay down myself and catch some Zzzz’s but usually I want to get caught up on house chores.

The new noises out of this babe are hilarious. Coos. Yells. Grunts. Lots of grunting. He is very chatty. Sometimes he even fakes a cry to get your attention and the minute you come rescue him he gives you a big cheesy grin.

Today he weighs 14 lbs 4 oz and he’s definitely moved on to 3-6 month clothing. It’s hard for me to give up some of those 0-3 mth clothes, especially ones he only wore once!